Hi All,This is just a quick update and note to thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, and e-mails. Rhett seemed to be getting worse rather than better, and was admitted to UNC Hospitals early this morning. He was feeling much better after he got to the hospital, though. He had gotten quite dehydrated because he was sweating so much with the fever. They gave him lots of fluids and started all his meds through IV’s instead of orally. He came home at 5pm and by 9pm we were talking about readmission. His fever was way up again, and the side effects of the massive Doxycycline regimen he’s on were starting to be worse than the RMSF itself. Phone consult with one of the doctors in Rhett’s primary care office convinced him that some changes to his care from home would be better than readmission, and indeed, he seems to be feeling a wee bit better now. I hope he keeps mending. This has been really scary. I’ve found myself experiencing my worry for him more intensely than I’ve ever experienced worry before. I’ve cried a lot and felt a lot of nausea. I’m in perfect health; I’ve just been worried about my sweet husband and terribly missing about our sweet son.
Daniel spent the night with some very good friends of ours and obviously enjoyed himself. He spent the day in lovely spirits, and I can’t tell you all how grateful we’ve been for C&J, E&M, and J&K, all of whom have watched our little one in the last few days. But Daniel has been confused by all this bouncing around and he seems happy to be in my arms tonight. I’m happy to have him here. I’m glad his papa is here too. I just hope he gets better soon. All of your thoughts and prayers are welcome!!
POSTED BY EMILIE BROWN AT 10:56 PM
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
He may live - MONDAY, MAY 5, 2008
Dear Friends,
Thank-you again for all your thoughts and prayers these last many days. I'm beginning to think my husband may live, and with him, my child and I are getting a little saner. Rhett slept reasonably well for much of the night and he has gone several hours this morning without a fever. I could kill the nurse who told us he couldn't have Immodium. (Some nutty theory about how if there was a virus in him, we shouldn't stop it from escaping. Not thinking, I suppose, about the fact that the need for the Immodium was a side effect of the Doxycyclene they had put him on?) The baby is sleeping, thank God, and I'm going to try very soon to go pay the rent and pick up PunkieRexie's anti-seizure meds. He had a big seizure while we were at the hospital on Saturday night and we definitely don't need a reprise of that performance. Poor puppy. He's been pretty stressed out with all this coming/going/stressful-energy. The outpouring of support from our church and other friends/family has been overwhelming (in a wonderful way) and we can't thank you enough.
Hugs, Em
POSTED BY EMILIE BROWN AT 11:39 AM
2 COMMENTS:
Mama Pajama said...
Sending good "get well vibes" your way!!!!!
MAY 5, 2008 10:18 PM
Robin Lettuce Stack said...
OH my gosh!!! Lovely punkies!! I am so sorry you are going through this! What a nightmare. It sounds absolutely horrific. I wish I could be there to support you. You are in my thoughts and I hope Rhett gets better very soon!!!
MAY 8, 2008 6:41 PM
Thank-you again for all your thoughts and prayers these last many days. I'm beginning to think my husband may live, and with him, my child and I are getting a little saner. Rhett slept reasonably well for much of the night and he has gone several hours this morning without a fever. I could kill the nurse who told us he couldn't have Immodium. (Some nutty theory about how if there was a virus in him, we shouldn't stop it from escaping. Not thinking, I suppose, about the fact that the need for the Immodium was a side effect of the Doxycyclene they had put him on?) The baby is sleeping, thank God, and I'm going to try very soon to go pay the rent and pick up PunkieRexie's anti-seizure meds. He had a big seizure while we were at the hospital on Saturday night and we definitely don't need a reprise of that performance. Poor puppy. He's been pretty stressed out with all this coming/going/stressful-energy. The outpouring of support from our church and other friends/family has been overwhelming (in a wonderful way) and we can't thank you enough.
Hugs, Em
POSTED BY EMILIE BROWN AT 11:39 AM
2 COMMENTS:
Mama Pajama said...
Sending good "get well vibes" your way!!!!!
MAY 5, 2008 10:18 PM
Robin Lettuce Stack said...
OH my gosh!!! Lovely punkies!! I am so sorry you are going through this! What a nightmare. It sounds absolutely horrific. I wish I could be there to support you. You are in my thoughts and I hope Rhett gets better very soon!!!
MAY 8, 2008 6:41 PM
5/2/08 - We spent the night in the emergency room
and I'm very tired. Rhett got 4 (yes, 4) ticks on him while conducting therapy under a tick-loaded tree last Thursday. He came home, thoroughly inspected himself, extracted the 4 stowaways, and we assumed all was well. (Our pediatrician mentioned recently that most of the time people don't get sick from tick bites unless the tick is on for more than 24 hours. Apparently, that's not the case when there are four of them.)
Rhett came home and seemed in awful shape. He collapsed on the couch fully dressed, wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and a heavy sweater over the t-shirt, pronounced that he was freezing and covered himself with a blanket. He didn't even take his shoes off. That is NOT my husband. I took his temperature. 101.5. He never gets sick. So I went to CVS to ask the pharmacist what I could do to prevent our 12 week old son from contracting whatever his dad had, and what I could give his dad to keep him comfortable while we waited for it to pass. She immediately asked me about tick bites. She told me that this is not cold and flu season anymore, and even if it were, his symptoms didn't sound like cold or flu. She thought he sounded like a textbook case of Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever. Amazing that she thought of that because RMSF only occurs in 7.1 cases per million people in the U.S. Anyway, she said we needed to get him medical attention asap because it can cause irreparable organ damage and even be fatal. So she suggested we call UNC HealthLink to ascertain whether it was already serious enough to warrant an ER visit. We did, and they said it was, so we went. It was a long night.
The 900 doctors and nurses who talked to/looked at/consulted over Rhett all though RMSF was a likely cause but that meningitis was almost as likely. To test for that, they had to do a spinal tap on Rhett. It was so awful. It's not usually a painful procedure, but they explained that some people's bodies are really resistant to having needles inserted between their vertebrae and for them, it's awful. Yep. He was in so much pain from the procedure that I actually threw up. (Way to be supportive, right? But I couldn't help it.) Rhett is a strong man with a helluva tolerance for pain and sickness, and I've never seen him suffer like that. In fact, the only person I've ever seen in more pain than that was my grandmother a few months before she died. I felt so helpless to help him. I wonder if that was how he felt during my labor experience. At least he kept his lunch down. Like I said, he's really strong.
They seemed to be really worried about him. It was starting to look like they were going to admit him. But instead, they pumped Rhett full of so many different IV antibiotics he should be invincible for the rest of his life. Seriously, he should be able to walk on water. Then they had him take a different mega-antibiotic orally. But they never could get his fever all the way down, and they say he has to take this ultra-huge dose of another (different) antibiotic for the next 10 days. They couldn't predict for us when he'd be back to normal, but they say that he will be. We pulled into the driveway a few minutes before 3am and he's in bed already, comatose.
I can't express how grateful Rhett and I are to our wonderful neighbors, C and J. I walked over to their apartment (unannounced) with a nearly naked baby and a diaper bag, then brought over a big plastic box of diapers, formula, bottles, blankets, swaddlers, and a car seat, and said "can you keep him for a while? I have to take Rhett to the hospital." The on-call doctor from UNC Healthlink had already said Rhett might have to be admitted, so I was preparing to leave my sweet baby for overnight if needed be. They were so wonderful. It is so comforting to know that we
could so completely trust them with our child. I didn't worry about Daniel even once during the whole event.
POSTED BY EMILIE BROWN AT 3:20 AM
1 COMMENTS:
Mya said...
Poor Rhett! I'm so sorry guys. Sounds like like a long night and frightening experience. Glad to hear that they released you and I hope you're feeling much better now.
Rhett came home and seemed in awful shape. He collapsed on the couch fully dressed, wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and a heavy sweater over the t-shirt, pronounced that he was freezing and covered himself with a blanket. He didn't even take his shoes off. That is NOT my husband. I took his temperature. 101.5. He never gets sick. So I went to CVS to ask the pharmacist what I could do to prevent our 12 week old son from contracting whatever his dad had, and what I could give his dad to keep him comfortable while we waited for it to pass. She immediately asked me about tick bites. She told me that this is not cold and flu season anymore, and even if it were, his symptoms didn't sound like cold or flu. She thought he sounded like a textbook case of Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever. Amazing that she thought of that because RMSF only occurs in 7.1 cases per million people in the U.S. Anyway, she said we needed to get him medical attention asap because it can cause irreparable organ damage and even be fatal. So she suggested we call UNC HealthLink to ascertain whether it was already serious enough to warrant an ER visit. We did, and they said it was, so we went. It was a long night.
The 900 doctors and nurses who talked to/looked at/consulted over Rhett all though RMSF was a likely cause but that meningitis was almost as likely. To test for that, they had to do a spinal tap on Rhett. It was so awful. It's not usually a painful procedure, but they explained that some people's bodies are really resistant to having needles inserted between their vertebrae and for them, it's awful. Yep. He was in so much pain from the procedure that I actually threw up. (Way to be supportive, right? But I couldn't help it.) Rhett is a strong man with a helluva tolerance for pain and sickness, and I've never seen him suffer like that. In fact, the only person I've ever seen in more pain than that was my grandmother a few months before she died. I felt so helpless to help him. I wonder if that was how he felt during my labor experience. At least he kept his lunch down. Like I said, he's really strong.
They seemed to be really worried about him. It was starting to look like they were going to admit him. But instead, they pumped Rhett full of so many different IV antibiotics he should be invincible for the rest of his life. Seriously, he should be able to walk on water. Then they had him take a different mega-antibiotic orally. But they never could get his fever all the way down, and they say he has to take this ultra-huge dose of another (different) antibiotic for the next 10 days. They couldn't predict for us when he'd be back to normal, but they say that he will be. We pulled into the driveway a few minutes before 3am and he's in bed already, comatose.
I can't express how grateful Rhett and I are to our wonderful neighbors, C and J. I walked over to their apartment (unannounced) with a nearly naked baby and a diaper bag, then brought over a big plastic box of diapers, formula, bottles, blankets, swaddlers, and a car seat, and said "can you keep him for a while? I have to take Rhett to the hospital." The on-call doctor from UNC Healthlink had already said Rhett might have to be admitted, so I was preparing to leave my sweet baby for overnight if needed be. They were so wonderful. It is so comforting to know that we
could so completely trust them with our child. I didn't worry about Daniel even once during the whole event.
POSTED BY EMILIE BROWN AT 3:20 AM
1 COMMENTS:
Mya said...
Poor Rhett! I'm so sorry guys. Sounds like like a long night and frightening experience. Glad to hear that they released you and I hope you're feeling much better now.
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 30, 2008
It’s been a while since I’ve written. Sorry about that! Things have been really busy and quite wonderful, though often hectic, as Rhett and I have started our new jobs.
Stupid Human Tricks: I know this sounds crazy, but Daniel has taken up saying what sounds like a first word. We talk to him all the time, and sometimes I run out of things to say, so quite often I am reduced to saying “Hi!” over and over again in various versions of an animated voice. Not surprisingly, Daniel often mimics the sounds her hears us make. Most of the ones he repeats are nonsense syllables, but lately he has taken up saying “Hi!” At first it was just when he mimicked me, but recently he’s taken up saying it without provocation. He often says it to strangers whom he meets at the office or out and about. We know better than to think it means anything, of course. It’s not possible that an 11 week old baby is actually saying “his first word,” but when he says it to strangers it never fails to get a lot of “oohs” and “ahhs.” I think we should take him to Letterman to be the star of his “Stupid Human Tricks” segment.
How to Accomplish Much While on Baby Duty: Daniel is awake more and more these days, and that is wonderful, but it’s becoming a bit of a chore to get our work done on the computer. It’s the end of the month, so monthly reports are due on clients, Person Centered Plans (don’t ask) have been recently due on two of my clients, and notes are due on everyone by midnight. There has been a great need for uninterrupted (or rarely interrupted) computer time these last few days. This morning, Rhett is at the Durham office and I am at home with the munchkin. I’m getting creative in figuring out how to entertain my sweet little man while also getting my work done. Remember how not long ago I figured out that Daniel would kick his right foot in order to make the play gym toys dance for him? Well, now he can do it on his own. I tied one end of a satin ribbon to his foot, and tied the other end to the link of the play gym that holds his favorite toy (the cardinal) and a rattle. Then I moved his foot a couple of times to let him see the toys dance, and I came back to the computer. That’s where I am now, and Daniel is kicking merrily away and flirting with a stuffed bird. It’s so cute I have to stop for a moment to photograph it. Look!
Thoughts on Work: I’m working with a family that has a 5 month old. It looks to me like the 5 month old is beginning to develop positional plagiocephaly. In and of itself, that’s not a big deal, but it points to how little attention and stimulation the baby is getting. I’ve talked with the mom some about it and how important it is to pick the baby up a lot; I even got her a front carrier through our agency, but I don’t think she’s using it all that much. It makes me really sad. I hear the baby cry a lot when I’m there, but these parents have a different philosophy on baby crying than I do. They don’t mind just letting him cry it out – but it seems like he’s always crying. It certainly doesn’t meet the statutory criteria for maltreatment, but it’s clear that parenting is really too hard for this family and that they don’t have the knowledge or support they need to be able to do the job that I believe children deserve. My rapport with the family is great, though, and their other (most critical) symptoms are improving rapidly, so I’m hopeful that we’ll be able to revisit this issue. Anyway, it’s interesting to note how hard it is for me to observe the far-from-ideal treatment of this baby. My skin used to be thicker. I used to be able to say “well, at least they aren’t…” I can still sort of do that, but I left them yesterday with a heaviness in my chest; a sad sort of helplessness came over me that it took a while to identify. I came home and picked up Daniel and just held and held him. It is going to be important for me to deal well with those sad feelings well as I continue to observe the parenting effects of this broken world.
POSTED BY EMILIE BROWN AT 1:25 PM
Stupid Human Tricks: I know this sounds crazy, but Daniel has taken up saying what sounds like a first word. We talk to him all the time, and sometimes I run out of things to say, so quite often I am reduced to saying “Hi!” over and over again in various versions of an animated voice. Not surprisingly, Daniel often mimics the sounds her hears us make. Most of the ones he repeats are nonsense syllables, but lately he has taken up saying “Hi!” At first it was just when he mimicked me, but recently he’s taken up saying it without provocation. He often says it to strangers whom he meets at the office or out and about. We know better than to think it means anything, of course. It’s not possible that an 11 week old baby is actually saying “his first word,” but when he says it to strangers it never fails to get a lot of “oohs” and “ahhs.” I think we should take him to Letterman to be the star of his “Stupid Human Tricks” segment.
How to Accomplish Much While on Baby Duty: Daniel is awake more and more these days, and that is wonderful, but it’s becoming a bit of a chore to get our work done on the computer. It’s the end of the month, so monthly reports are due on clients, Person Centered Plans (don’t ask) have been recently due on two of my clients, and notes are due on everyone by midnight. There has been a great need for uninterrupted (or rarely interrupted) computer time these last few days. This morning, Rhett is at the Durham office and I am at home with the munchkin. I’m getting creative in figuring out how to entertain my sweet little man while also getting my work done. Remember how not long ago I figured out that Daniel would kick his right foot in order to make the play gym toys dance for him? Well, now he can do it on his own. I tied one end of a satin ribbon to his foot, and tied the other end to the link of the play gym that holds his favorite toy (the cardinal) and a rattle. Then I moved his foot a couple of times to let him see the toys dance, and I came back to the computer. That’s where I am now, and Daniel is kicking merrily away and flirting with a stuffed bird. It’s so cute I have to stop for a moment to photograph it. Look!
Thoughts on Work: I’m working with a family that has a 5 month old. It looks to me like the 5 month old is beginning to develop positional plagiocephaly. In and of itself, that’s not a big deal, but it points to how little attention and stimulation the baby is getting. I’ve talked with the mom some about it and how important it is to pick the baby up a lot; I even got her a front carrier through our agency, but I don’t think she’s using it all that much. It makes me really sad. I hear the baby cry a lot when I’m there, but these parents have a different philosophy on baby crying than I do. They don’t mind just letting him cry it out – but it seems like he’s always crying. It certainly doesn’t meet the statutory criteria for maltreatment, but it’s clear that parenting is really too hard for this family and that they don’t have the knowledge or support they need to be able to do the job that I believe children deserve. My rapport with the family is great, though, and their other (most critical) symptoms are improving rapidly, so I’m hopeful that we’ll be able to revisit this issue. Anyway, it’s interesting to note how hard it is for me to observe the far-from-ideal treatment of this baby. My skin used to be thicker. I used to be able to say “well, at least they aren’t…” I can still sort of do that, but I left them yesterday with a heaviness in my chest; a sad sort of helplessness came over me that it took a while to identify. I came home and picked up Daniel and just held and held him. It is going to be important for me to deal well with those sad feelings well as I continue to observe the parenting effects of this broken world.
POSTED BY EMILIE BROWN AT 1:25 PM
MONDAY, APRIL 21, 2008 - Taking Fertility For Granted - or not.
MONDAY, APRIL 21, 2008 - Taking Fertility For Granted - or not.
Rhett and I decided to try to conceive in the middle
of February last year. By the end of April I was pregnant. One of my
closest friends from law school and her husband decided to begin
trying to have a baby the same day. They are still trying. Rhett and
I have a couple of very good friends who have been together for eight
years. They decided to have children a long time ago, but it’s
harder for them because they are both women. We are so incredibly
lucky to have our child and we are reminded every day of how many
loving, capable people are still navigating the difficult path to
parenthood.
Obviously, our friends need a sperm donor if they are
going to have a child, but for numerous reasons they don’t want to
use a sperm bank. They want a little more assurance than a bank can
give them that the donor is a person who they would probably like if
they got to know him. I don’t think they are unreasonably picky,
either. They want their donor to be “under 40, in good health, and
reasonably intelligent.”
Rhett offered, but our friends are also quite clear
that they don’t want to know their donor. They want the donor to be
like “a blip on the radar screen” of their lives. They don’t
want the donor to play a role in the child’s life or to remain in
relationship with him. I don’t blame them at all. Heterosexual
couples don’t have to have some third party horning in on their
relationships with their children. Hetero couples don’t have to pay
exorbitant fees for each attempt at insemination. I totally get that.
So our friends have asked us to ask the male friends
in our circle (the ones that they don’t know) if they would help
these two truly wonderful women become moms through a home
insemination. They are willing to travel outside the state. If I
could do it for these women, I would. If I could do this for women I
didn’t know but could be assured would be good parents, I would do
that too. But I don’t know how to ask this of my friends. If you
are male, are my friend, are reading this blog, and are willing, will
you let me know?
POSTED BY EMILIE BROWN AT 5:12 PM
SUNDAY, APRIL 20, 2008
So far, people have commented frequently on how relaxed Rhett and I seem about Daniel. When asked what has surprised him about parenting, Rhett has more than once replied "how easy it is." We feel pretty confident that we can help Daniel when he needs something and overall he's a really easy, happy baby. But there are also things I worry about, and I'm really not sure how much I should. I welcome your feedback on this!
Things I've been attentive to in a way that I think is non-problematic:
1. No smoke around baby.
2. Daniel must sleep on his back unless he is in our arms.
3. We read to Daniel a lot.
4. We researched vaccines thoroughly before we decided to get them.
5. Daniel must wear a hat with a brim and long sleeves/pants (in a breathable fabric) if we're taking him out into the sun for more than a few minutes.
6. Daniel should wear cloth diapers as much as possible. That is, he sleeps in a disposable diaper at night and if we're going out to a place where we won't be able to change his diaper every 30 minutes, he wears disposable. That doesn't happen very often.
7. We believe strongly in babywearing. Daniel should not be in "stuff" if it's not essential. So we don't put him in bouncy chairs or strollers or a carseat as a means of setting him down. We do, however, put him in a carseat for car rides because it's safer; we put him under his play gym because he loves it; we put him in his bouncy seat when we're cutting things or using the stove in the kitchen. (Again, that's a safety thing).
8. We are serious about keeping Daniel away from watching TV or computer screens. Rhett and I both struggle with ADHD. It has been a serious problem in both of our lives and even with medication and good coaching, we continue to wish we could eliminate its impact on us. Because the AAP has so conclusively linked TV to ADHD, we want to do what we can to protect him from it.
9. Daniel is sensitive to energy. When people are stressed out or negative, Daniel feels it and cries. That means his parents, too. So if I'm getting wiggy about something, and Daniel starts to fuss, it usually means that I need to hand him over to his dad, and vice versa. So far that's been a pretty easy thing to do. It also means that when we're hanging out with friends or family who become anxious, we sometimes have to take Daniel for a walk outside of the energy.
Here are the things I worry about but don't know how worried I should be:
1. Lead Toys: We hear a lot about lead paint on toys lately. Most of Daniel's toys have been pretty inocuous, so far. He can't pick things up yet, so I know they aren't getting in his mouth. He doesn't really even touch them much. But the time is coming soon. How worried should we be? Should we get a lead tester and start testing all Daniel's toys before we let him play with them? Should we buy all his toys "new," as opposed to our usual habit of buying most things from the thrift store? (Our thrift store shopping behavior is largely about wanting to purchase items that we need without contributing to sweat shops or oppressive labor practices; we also have to live frugally.)
2. There are some TV shows that Rhett and I really like to watch (Brothers and Sisters, Oprah's Big Give, CNN News, and Monk). We never let Daniel watch the TV screen, but should we have it off when he's in the room? What about if he's sleeping?
3. As we are returning to work, Rhett and I have to do a large amount of work on the computer. These include writing "notes," writing "Person Centered Plans" for our clients, e-mailing service providers, filling out online forms, and researching resources. Sometimes Daniel is facing forward in the mei tai and awake. We try to keep him from looking at the screen, but as he's awake more and more during the day, it's getting harder. Should we put him down or try to distract him when we need to type, or is the worry about kids watching computer screens more about computer games than word processing?
Can any among you offer your thoughts? I really value input on these things.
Hugs, PM
POSTED BY EMILIE BROWN AT 11:02 AM
3 COMMENTS:
Kerry said...
I'm not a parent, so take this for what it's worth. I think the most important thing is that you do set limits (consistently) based on what you feel comfortable with, so that eventually your child will learn to set limits for himself. I also think it's important not to be too vigilant and to give some room for exploration. As far as TV/ computer screens, I believe in no TV before age 2, but I'd be a lot more worried about him having a TV in the bedroom when he's older than some incidental exposure now.
APRIL 21, 2008 1:15 PM
Anna said...
Likewise, not a parent, but I do similarly struggle with ADHD. As Kerry before me stated, I wouldn't worry about incidental TV watching. Personal time and personal relaxation ("Monk" shows you how important that is!) is so important and can have such an impact on your and Rhett's stress levels (which, as you observe, Daniel picks up on). I'm not advocating for TV watching necessarily, just suggesting flexibility. (Sorry, I just love "Monk"). Hope that all is going well!!
APRIL 21, 2008 3:09 PM
Zabe said...
I agree with what's already been said, especially that the very act of setting limits will likely reduce an attentive parent's stress. If Rhett and PM know upfront what they feel is important to avoid, or what areas deserve particular attention or caution, I think they will find themselves less overwhelmed and anxious. (I am also not a parent, but this is just what my social work gut tells me!)
SATURDAY, APRIL 19, 2008 - Endorsements
Hi Friends, Rhett and I have been trying to figure out who we're going to vote for in the upcoming primary elections. We know we're voting for Page Vernon for District Court Judge and Barack Obama for president, but we've been pretty confused about the others. Fortunately, our friend has been getting to know all the candidates quite well as a part of her involvement with the Democratic Party, so I asked for her endorsements. This friend is smart, nuanced, politically savvy, and I agree with her on the issues. Hence, I trust her endorsements. I asked her to write them out for me so that I could pass them on to all of you. Here they are. I agree:
U.S. Senate: Kay Hagan vs. Jim Neal - I will be voting for Kay Hagan, but I do have to say that I like Jim Neal a lot. He is openly gay, which I of course support, and I think he would do a really good job. Friends that I really respect and value their opinions are supporting him and working for him. I have also met him and he is just a very warm and genuine person. But there are two big reasons I am voting for Kay Hagan: experience and ability to beat Liddy. Kay has served 5 terms in the NC Senate and served on the Budget Committee. With the economy headed where it is, I really want someone who has this kind of experience. I also think she has the ability to beat Liddy Dole. It will be a tough race, and plenty of people aren't sure if anyone can beat Liddy. But quite frankly, I don't think a man can beat Liddy. Women are winning elections, and I think Liddy would beat a man. I would say that all things being equal, I would vote for a woman to encourage diversity, but with Neal being openly gay, I think that diversity is very important as well. So for me it really boils down to her experience and that I think she can beat Liddy. I also have to say that either Hagan or Neal will be light years better than Liddy. At least both of those candidates care about NC. I think Liddy has been about the most useless senator in recent memory in NC.
Governor:Richard Moore vs. Bev Perdue - This is a tough one for me, but I will be voting for Richard Moore. Quite frankly, I have not been very impressed with Bev Perdue. As you know, my issue is the death penalty. Both Perdue and Moore support the death penalty. Both were on the Council of State last year (Perdue as Lt. Gov, Moore as state treasurer) when they approved changes to the lethal injection protocol after refusing to hear from the inmates' attorneys (Insurance Commission Jim Long was the only person to vote against approving the change in protocol, which means Elaine Marshall, who I LOVE, also voted to approve it). Perdue has said she supports a moratorium. From what I can tell, Moore hasn't been asked that question. I tell you all of this basically to say that while the death penalty is my main issue, I can't vote on that because all of the candidates are pretty bad on it. However, I will say that when asked about the death penalty by the NAACP at a forum, Moore said that while he did support the death penalty in certain cases, it was not implemented fairly in our current system (I give him credit for that answer because the NAACP is incredibly anti-death penalty, and I can't stand it when politicians pander to groups). He has a law degree, was a federal prosecutor for several years, and served as head of the NC Department of Crime Control and Public Safety while in the NC House of Reps. This is a big plus to me because I don't think Perdue really has any experience with the justice system. While I usually don't like former prosecutors being governor because I think there is an inherent conflict of interest, he never prosecuted someone currently on death row so he will never have to decide on clemency for a defendant that he personally prosecuted (as Easley has done several times).
In looking at other issues, I just like Richard Moore a lot better. Perdue's campaign ads attacking Moore have been misleading and exaggerated. And I think Moore has done an amazing job as treasurer. NC has been recognized nationally for what Moore has been able to do in securing pension funds. There has been some controversy recently over whether he invested pension money in groups that have supported his campaign for governor, but most of those accusations have not been proven.
Lt. Governor:Dan Besse, Walter Dalton, Hampton Dellinger, Pat SmathersThis is another tough one. I really, really, like 3 of the 4 candidates. The one I discount quickly is Walter Dalton. I'm not a fan of his. But I think Besse, Dellinger, and Smathers are all really great. I will be voting for Pat Smathers. I've had the opportunity to meet all three of these guys at campaign events around the state. Besse is a longtime friend of my parents'. Smathers' son is also a 3L at UNC Law (Zeb Smathers). So why Smathers? He has been mayor of Canton, NC for a long time. He served in the National Guard, and I think we need Democrats who have served in the military in leadership positions. I think they are the key to defeating Republicans this term. What I really like about Smathers is that he has the experience of working in a community and using the strengths of that community to make it better (not just use a cookie cutter form to make all towns look the same). Part of his platform is taking that type of mentality into the Lt. Gov. position. I also have to say that I have a tendency to pull for the underdogs, and Smathers and Besse are the underdogs. Either one of them would be great, but I think Smathers has a better chance of winning.
Superintendent of Public Instruction:June Atkinson vs. Eddie DavisI'm not sure of this one, but I will probably support June Atkinson. She is running for re-election and I think she's done a good job. I haven't looked into this race in a whole lot of detail, though.
NC Court of Appeals - Wynn Seat: James Wynn. There's not much I need to say here. Judge Wynn is fabulous. He has been on the bench for a very long time, and was on the NC Supreme Court for a few years. He has never been in a primary in his 18 years of being on the bench. This year, 2 complete unknowns are challenging him and forced him into a primary. As Judge Wynn says at events, all you need to run for the Court of Appeals is a law license and the filing fee, and that is all the other 2 have. Judge Wynn should win be a landslide.
Tyson Seat: Kristin Ruth. As you know, these seats are non-partisan. So if more than 2 candidates enter the race, there is a primary to narrow it down to 2. The top 2 then compete in November. Kristin Ruth and Sam Ervin are the democrats challenging John Tyson. Tyson is pretty awful. Kristin is a district court judge in Wake County and has been on the bench for 10 years. I appeared before her numerous times last summer and saw her as very fair. I really like her and she seemed to really respect everyone that came before her, including the defendants. There was also an incident while I was there in the summer when a state trooper lied to her under oath. She found out and charged him with contempt of court. There was almost a hearing over it, but they reached a plea deal just before the hearing was supposed to start. I really respect her for this because she knew she was going to be running for the Court of Appeals and she knew it would cost her some endorsements (which it did, of organizations like the Troopers and other law enforcement). But she did it anyway because it was the right thing to do. I think she's great and will throw my full support behind her.
Insurance Commissioner:Wayne Goodwin vs. David SmithI have to say, I know nothing about this race. I'm going to look into endorsements and see what groups are saying about them.
Labor Commissioner:Robin Anderson, John C. Brooks, Mary Fant Donnan, Ty RichardsonFrom what I know, Cherie Berry (current Labor Commissioner, and a Republican), is going to be incredibly difficult to beat (but really needs to lose because she's terrible). I'm going to see who gets some key endorsements, like the Independent Weekly's endorsement, but as of now I really like Robin Anderson and think she would do a really good job. However, John Brooks has served as Labor Commissioner before, and is now running again, so there's no reason to think he wouldn't be good.
Treasurer:Janet Cowell, Michael Weisel, David YoungI'll be voting for Janet Cowell. She has been in the NC Congress for several years and has the financial background to do a really good job as treasurer. I think she'll be great. I don't know much about David Young, but I saw Cowell appear with Weisel and he was just not impressive at all. I think Cowell will be great.
State Auditor:Fred Aikens vs. Beth A. WoodI've seen both of these candidates appear several times at different events and I really like both of them. I am pretty undecided as to who I am going to vote for at this point. I am leaning towards Fred Aikens, but not sure yet. The Independent Weekly is going to release their endorsements on April 23rd, and I really want to see what they say about this race and who they choose to endorse.
POSTED BY EMILIE BROWN AT 9:56 PM
2 COMMENTS:
Wayne Goodwin said...
Dear Em,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on your blog! I have one of my own (Wayne's World) and it is both very satisfying and a pleasure to publish for my loyal readers.
In your discussion of the Insurance Commissioner race you mentioned that you did not know anything about either of the two candidates. Well, now you have the direct opportunity to hear from one of those Insurance Commissioner candidates: me (i.e., Wayne Goodwin)!
First, I highly recommend that you visit www.waynegoodwin.org, my campaign website. In addition to reviewing my bio and my platform, and since you stated you were interested in who has endorsed the Insurance Commissioner candidates, please click onto the section of my website dedicated to my endorsements. Even though this is admittedly a partial list, the long list of individuals and groups who have chosen to publicly endorse the Wayne Goodwin campaign is very diverse, broad, and deep.
In fact, I respectfully suggest that my campaign has received the vast majority of known endorsements across the State for Insurance Commissioner.
My endorsements include current Insurance Commissioner Jim Long, former Gov. Jim Hunt, the NC Association of Educators, the NC State AFL-CIO, the Raleigh-Wake Citizens Association, the Black Political Caucus of Charlotte-Mecklenburg, Democracy for America (Asheville chapter), The Durham Committee on the Affairs of Black People, and many, many wonderful community and state leaders.
To the best of my knowledge, my primary election opponent has only received ONE public endorsement, and that is from a group in his home county, a group of which he has either been a member and/or has financially assisted over the years.
Meanwhile, do note the following:
UNLIKE my opponent, I have worked and continue to work in the NC Dept of Insurance. I have served in several roles, most recently and for almost 3 years now, as Assistant Commissioner of Insurance. We need an Insurance Commissioner who truly understands the office from within and without, and not someone who just knows about it very generally and marginally in comparison.
UNLIKE my opponent, I have served in elective office, most notably as a State Representative for 8 years in the NC General Assembly. One needs both a working knowledge of the legislature and relationships with key legislators in order to effectuate positive legislation regarding insurance, especially health insurance accessibility and affordability.
UNLIKE my opponent, I have been endorsed by the current Insurance Commissioner, Jim Long, the legendary state leader who has been at the helm for 24 years.
And, UNLIKE my opponent, I do NOT work FOR the insurance industry. My opponent is a longterm employee of and/or advocate of the insurance industry. (He tries to claim otherwise, but the truth is what I rest my case upon.) In fact, my opponent is right now President-elect of the NC Health Insurance Underwriters Association.
If you have any questions about me or my campaign or about the Department, then please feel free to email me directly, using the email address on the home page of my website.
I personally ask for your vote for Insurance Commissioner, and would be most honored to have your personal endorsement. After all, the only true endorsements that matter in the long run are those that individual voters provide at the polls.
Thank you for your consideration!
Sincerely,
WAYNE GOODWIN
Democratic Party candidate for
NC Insurance Commissioner
www.waynegoodwin.org
APRIL 20, 2008 7:18 PM
Em said...
I must say, that was astounding. Yes, that's quite the argument. I think I'll vote for Wayne Goodwin for Insurance Commissioner.
APRIL 20, 2008 8:13 PM
And, on an unrelated note, here are a couple photos of Daniel I took today:
U.S. Senate: Kay Hagan vs. Jim Neal - I will be voting for Kay Hagan, but I do have to say that I like Jim Neal a lot. He is openly gay, which I of course support, and I think he would do a really good job. Friends that I really respect and value their opinions are supporting him and working for him. I have also met him and he is just a very warm and genuine person. But there are two big reasons I am voting for Kay Hagan: experience and ability to beat Liddy. Kay has served 5 terms in the NC Senate and served on the Budget Committee. With the economy headed where it is, I really want someone who has this kind of experience. I also think she has the ability to beat Liddy Dole. It will be a tough race, and plenty of people aren't sure if anyone can beat Liddy. But quite frankly, I don't think a man can beat Liddy. Women are winning elections, and I think Liddy would beat a man. I would say that all things being equal, I would vote for a woman to encourage diversity, but with Neal being openly gay, I think that diversity is very important as well. So for me it really boils down to her experience and that I think she can beat Liddy. I also have to say that either Hagan or Neal will be light years better than Liddy. At least both of those candidates care about NC. I think Liddy has been about the most useless senator in recent memory in NC.
Governor:Richard Moore vs. Bev Perdue - This is a tough one for me, but I will be voting for Richard Moore. Quite frankly, I have not been very impressed with Bev Perdue. As you know, my issue is the death penalty. Both Perdue and Moore support the death penalty. Both were on the Council of State last year (Perdue as Lt. Gov, Moore as state treasurer) when they approved changes to the lethal injection protocol after refusing to hear from the inmates' attorneys (Insurance Commission Jim Long was the only person to vote against approving the change in protocol, which means Elaine Marshall, who I LOVE, also voted to approve it). Perdue has said she supports a moratorium. From what I can tell, Moore hasn't been asked that question. I tell you all of this basically to say that while the death penalty is my main issue, I can't vote on that because all of the candidates are pretty bad on it. However, I will say that when asked about the death penalty by the NAACP at a forum, Moore said that while he did support the death penalty in certain cases, it was not implemented fairly in our current system (I give him credit for that answer because the NAACP is incredibly anti-death penalty, and I can't stand it when politicians pander to groups). He has a law degree, was a federal prosecutor for several years, and served as head of the NC Department of Crime Control and Public Safety while in the NC House of Reps. This is a big plus to me because I don't think Perdue really has any experience with the justice system. While I usually don't like former prosecutors being governor because I think there is an inherent conflict of interest, he never prosecuted someone currently on death row so he will never have to decide on clemency for a defendant that he personally prosecuted (as Easley has done several times).
In looking at other issues, I just like Richard Moore a lot better. Perdue's campaign ads attacking Moore have been misleading and exaggerated. And I think Moore has done an amazing job as treasurer. NC has been recognized nationally for what Moore has been able to do in securing pension funds. There has been some controversy recently over whether he invested pension money in groups that have supported his campaign for governor, but most of those accusations have not been proven.
Lt. Governor:Dan Besse, Walter Dalton, Hampton Dellinger, Pat SmathersThis is another tough one. I really, really, like 3 of the 4 candidates. The one I discount quickly is Walter Dalton. I'm not a fan of his. But I think Besse, Dellinger, and Smathers are all really great. I will be voting for Pat Smathers. I've had the opportunity to meet all three of these guys at campaign events around the state. Besse is a longtime friend of my parents'. Smathers' son is also a 3L at UNC Law (Zeb Smathers). So why Smathers? He has been mayor of Canton, NC for a long time. He served in the National Guard, and I think we need Democrats who have served in the military in leadership positions. I think they are the key to defeating Republicans this term. What I really like about Smathers is that he has the experience of working in a community and using the strengths of that community to make it better (not just use a cookie cutter form to make all towns look the same). Part of his platform is taking that type of mentality into the Lt. Gov. position. I also have to say that I have a tendency to pull for the underdogs, and Smathers and Besse are the underdogs. Either one of them would be great, but I think Smathers has a better chance of winning.
Superintendent of Public Instruction:June Atkinson vs. Eddie DavisI'm not sure of this one, but I will probably support June Atkinson. She is running for re-election and I think she's done a good job. I haven't looked into this race in a whole lot of detail, though.
NC Court of Appeals - Wynn Seat: James Wynn. There's not much I need to say here. Judge Wynn is fabulous. He has been on the bench for a very long time, and was on the NC Supreme Court for a few years. He has never been in a primary in his 18 years of being on the bench. This year, 2 complete unknowns are challenging him and forced him into a primary. As Judge Wynn says at events, all you need to run for the Court of Appeals is a law license and the filing fee, and that is all the other 2 have. Judge Wynn should win be a landslide.
Tyson Seat: Kristin Ruth. As you know, these seats are non-partisan. So if more than 2 candidates enter the race, there is a primary to narrow it down to 2. The top 2 then compete in November. Kristin Ruth and Sam Ervin are the democrats challenging John Tyson. Tyson is pretty awful. Kristin is a district court judge in Wake County and has been on the bench for 10 years. I appeared before her numerous times last summer and saw her as very fair. I really like her and she seemed to really respect everyone that came before her, including the defendants. There was also an incident while I was there in the summer when a state trooper lied to her under oath. She found out and charged him with contempt of court. There was almost a hearing over it, but they reached a plea deal just before the hearing was supposed to start. I really respect her for this because she knew she was going to be running for the Court of Appeals and she knew it would cost her some endorsements (which it did, of organizations like the Troopers and other law enforcement). But she did it anyway because it was the right thing to do. I think she's great and will throw my full support behind her.
Insurance Commissioner:Wayne Goodwin vs. David SmithI have to say, I know nothing about this race. I'm going to look into endorsements and see what groups are saying about them.
Labor Commissioner:Robin Anderson, John C. Brooks, Mary Fant Donnan, Ty RichardsonFrom what I know, Cherie Berry (current Labor Commissioner, and a Republican), is going to be incredibly difficult to beat (but really needs to lose because she's terrible). I'm going to see who gets some key endorsements, like the Independent Weekly's endorsement, but as of now I really like Robin Anderson and think she would do a really good job. However, John Brooks has served as Labor Commissioner before, and is now running again, so there's no reason to think he wouldn't be good.
Treasurer:Janet Cowell, Michael Weisel, David YoungI'll be voting for Janet Cowell. She has been in the NC Congress for several years and has the financial background to do a really good job as treasurer. I think she'll be great. I don't know much about David Young, but I saw Cowell appear with Weisel and he was just not impressive at all. I think Cowell will be great.
State Auditor:Fred Aikens vs. Beth A. WoodI've seen both of these candidates appear several times at different events and I really like both of them. I am pretty undecided as to who I am going to vote for at this point. I am leaning towards Fred Aikens, but not sure yet. The Independent Weekly is going to release their endorsements on April 23rd, and I really want to see what they say about this race and who they choose to endorse.
POSTED BY EMILIE BROWN AT 9:56 PM
2 COMMENTS:
Wayne Goodwin said...
Dear Em,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on your blog! I have one of my own (Wayne's World) and it is both very satisfying and a pleasure to publish for my loyal readers.
In your discussion of the Insurance Commissioner race you mentioned that you did not know anything about either of the two candidates. Well, now you have the direct opportunity to hear from one of those Insurance Commissioner candidates: me (i.e., Wayne Goodwin)!
First, I highly recommend that you visit www.waynegoodwin.org, my campaign website. In addition to reviewing my bio and my platform, and since you stated you were interested in who has endorsed the Insurance Commissioner candidates, please click onto the section of my website dedicated to my endorsements. Even though this is admittedly a partial list, the long list of individuals and groups who have chosen to publicly endorse the Wayne Goodwin campaign is very diverse, broad, and deep.
In fact, I respectfully suggest that my campaign has received the vast majority of known endorsements across the State for Insurance Commissioner.
My endorsements include current Insurance Commissioner Jim Long, former Gov. Jim Hunt, the NC Association of Educators, the NC State AFL-CIO, the Raleigh-Wake Citizens Association, the Black Political Caucus of Charlotte-Mecklenburg, Democracy for America (Asheville chapter), The Durham Committee on the Affairs of Black People, and many, many wonderful community and state leaders.
To the best of my knowledge, my primary election opponent has only received ONE public endorsement, and that is from a group in his home county, a group of which he has either been a member and/or has financially assisted over the years.
Meanwhile, do note the following:
UNLIKE my opponent, I have worked and continue to work in the NC Dept of Insurance. I have served in several roles, most recently and for almost 3 years now, as Assistant Commissioner of Insurance. We need an Insurance Commissioner who truly understands the office from within and without, and not someone who just knows about it very generally and marginally in comparison.
UNLIKE my opponent, I have served in elective office, most notably as a State Representative for 8 years in the NC General Assembly. One needs both a working knowledge of the legislature and relationships with key legislators in order to effectuate positive legislation regarding insurance, especially health insurance accessibility and affordability.
UNLIKE my opponent, I have been endorsed by the current Insurance Commissioner, Jim Long, the legendary state leader who has been at the helm for 24 years.
And, UNLIKE my opponent, I do NOT work FOR the insurance industry. My opponent is a longterm employee of and/or advocate of the insurance industry. (He tries to claim otherwise, but the truth is what I rest my case upon.) In fact, my opponent is right now President-elect of the NC Health Insurance Underwriters Association.
If you have any questions about me or my campaign or about the Department, then please feel free to email me directly, using the email address on the home page of my website.
I personally ask for your vote for Insurance Commissioner, and would be most honored to have your personal endorsement. After all, the only true endorsements that matter in the long run are those that individual voters provide at the polls.
Thank you for your consideration!
Sincerely,
WAYNE GOODWIN
Democratic Party candidate for
NC Insurance Commissioner
www.waynegoodwin.org
APRIL 20, 2008 7:18 PM
Em said...
I must say, that was astounding. Yes, that's quite the argument. I think I'll vote for Wayne Goodwin for Insurance Commissioner.
APRIL 20, 2008 8:13 PM
And, on an unrelated note, here are a couple photos of Daniel I took today:
Visit to the pediatrician - WEDNESDAY, APRIL 16, 2008
We took Daniel to the pediatrician yesterday.
Length: 23 inches - 85th percentile
Head Circumference - 16.5 inches - 85th percentile
Weight - 15lbs, 5oz - OVER 100th percentile!!
I had really been freaked out about this particular appointment because we've been thinking a lot about vaccines and what we did/did not feel good about for our son. At first, we took what we thought was a pretty moderate position. We wanted to get Daniel all the usual vaccines, but we wanted to get them spaced out more than they are normally spaced out, and we wanted to get them when Daniel was a little older. This seemed like the best designed approach for him because we are not putting Daniel in daycare so it seemed to us that his exposure to any of the diseases for which they vaccinate would likely be quite unlikely.
However, Rhett and I realized a couple of weeks ago that actually, we aren't able to keep Daniel's exposure risk as low as we initially wanted it to be. We have both returned to work, and while we often work from home, we also attend meetings at various social service agencies and at our own offices in Durham and Pittsboro, and Daniel sometimes comes with us to these things. We need to be able to bring him with us because if we didn't, we'd have to hire commercial childcare, and that's neither in our parenting philosophy nor budget right now. So, we had to reassess our risk. When Rhett worked at DSS he worked with the same population with which we are both working now, and he found that without exception, the kids were behind on vaccines. They also often came from families with poor hygiene and frequent illness. We concluded that in order to protect our son from the diseases to which he is actually likely to be exposed, we needed to get some vaccines.
We discussed our fears with a WONDERFUL pediatrician who isn't Daniel's doctor only because he works about 1 hr. away, and we settled on the vaccines for his 9 weeks well-baby check. I can't remember which ones they were, but they were the basics. We just opted out of the optional ones. There were three injections, which they gave all at once. I had dosed up the Daniel with Infant Tylenol before the shots and also gave him a glucose solution in a bottle a few minutes before. He handled the shots way better than I thought he would, and was clearly over it about 2 minutes after they were over. Geez. I'm glad that's over. It was really scary because even though I understand that the vaccines/autism link is questionable, I prefer to err on the side of avoidance. But this time, avoidance couldn't mean avoidance of risk. So hard. I guess this is the way it will always be. So hard, so hard.
1 COMMENTS:
Anna said...
I was so glad you returned to blogging about the PunkieFamily!!!
APRIL 18, 2008 3:32 PM
Length: 23 inches - 85th percentile
Head Circumference - 16.5 inches - 85th percentile
Weight - 15lbs, 5oz - OVER 100th percentile!!
I had really been freaked out about this particular appointment because we've been thinking a lot about vaccines and what we did/did not feel good about for our son. At first, we took what we thought was a pretty moderate position. We wanted to get Daniel all the usual vaccines, but we wanted to get them spaced out more than they are normally spaced out, and we wanted to get them when Daniel was a little older. This seemed like the best designed approach for him because we are not putting Daniel in daycare so it seemed to us that his exposure to any of the diseases for which they vaccinate would likely be quite unlikely.
However, Rhett and I realized a couple of weeks ago that actually, we aren't able to keep Daniel's exposure risk as low as we initially wanted it to be. We have both returned to work, and while we often work from home, we also attend meetings at various social service agencies and at our own offices in Durham and Pittsboro, and Daniel sometimes comes with us to these things. We need to be able to bring him with us because if we didn't, we'd have to hire commercial childcare, and that's neither in our parenting philosophy nor budget right now. So, we had to reassess our risk. When Rhett worked at DSS he worked with the same population with which we are both working now, and he found that without exception, the kids were behind on vaccines. They also often came from families with poor hygiene and frequent illness. We concluded that in order to protect our son from the diseases to which he is actually likely to be exposed, we needed to get some vaccines.
We discussed our fears with a WONDERFUL pediatrician who isn't Daniel's doctor only because he works about 1 hr. away, and we settled on the vaccines for his 9 weeks well-baby check. I can't remember which ones they were, but they were the basics. We just opted out of the optional ones. There were three injections, which they gave all at once. I had dosed up the Daniel with Infant Tylenol before the shots and also gave him a glucose solution in a bottle a few minutes before. He handled the shots way better than I thought he would, and was clearly over it about 2 minutes after they were over. Geez. I'm glad that's over. It was really scary because even though I understand that the vaccines/autism link is questionable, I prefer to err on the side of avoidance. But this time, avoidance couldn't mean avoidance of risk. So hard. I guess this is the way it will always be. So hard, so hard.
1 COMMENTS:
Anna said...
I was so glad you returned to blogging about the PunkieFamily!!!
APRIL 18, 2008 3:32 PM
TUESDAY, APRIL 15, 2008 Turning our attention toward Daniel's interests (as best we can)
We've tried to be attentive to Daniel's development throughout our time caring for him (even during pregnancy), and we've now begun to turn our minds toward exposing Daniel to the sorts of things that will nourish him throughout his adulthood. That takes a couple of forms. We've started doing The Daily Office from The Book of Common Prayer so that as he grows up, the spiritual tradition which nourishes us and into which he will be raised will not seem unapproachable to him. Likewise, we've been reading to him more and more. Reading to Daniel is turning out to be a lot of fun. We've been reading our own books out loud to him, as well as reading him the stories out of his Children's Bible, The Runaway Bunny, The Little Engine that Could, Welcome to Outer Space, Fuzzy Fuzzy Fuzzy, and several others.
I'm reading a book called Baby Read-Aloud Basics: Fun and Interactive Ways to Help Your Little One Discover the World of Words by Caroline J. Blakemore and Barbara Weston Ramirez. I'm reading it because I really want to read to Daniel in a way that helps him to ENJOY reading. I tend to think kids learn what they want to learn; I certainly did. And they may learn the things they don't want to learn, too, but they don't love it, and when it becomes voluntary, they don't do it. I grew up reading, but I didn't carry that into my adulthood as much as I wish I had. Books, of course, are the key to learning almost anything else a person wants to learn, so I'm hoping we can make this reading thing unintimidating and fun for Daniel.
Daniel really enjoys it when we emphasize interactive reading. That's not my strength, really. The experts say it's good to embellish the text and to freely augment the language on the page, but I am naturally inclined to read the words on the page. I'm also not prone to using silly voices, or as the experts say, parentese. I tend to speak to Daniel as if he understands exactly what I'm saying, and I tend to read to him in a matter of fact tone. But I'm working on that. I've read that the goofy voices are good for him, and he definitely prefers them. So, I try. Rhett's great at this, though!
One of the most rewarding things that we share with Daniel continues to be our church community. The church we've chosen in which to raise our child is one which has nourished me and Rhett since our courtship, and I love being able to set Daniel in the arms of any of the wonderful people with whom we worship each Sunday and knowing that he's with someone safe, loving, and kind.
There are some things we don't yet have ways to offer Daniel, and that we want to be able to offer him. Chief among these is that neither Rhett nor I speak Spanish, and we really wish that we could enable our son to grow up bilingual. It's already pretty difficult to work as a social worker if you don't speak Spanish, and I think that's rapidly becoming the case in many professions. Besides, it's just crummy that America has done such a lousy job of welcoming the influences of other nations. It's really not okay for any of us to speak only one language. I don't know how we can offer him Spanish, though. I hope we can figure that out.)
I'm reading a book called Baby Read-Aloud Basics: Fun and Interactive Ways to Help Your Little One Discover the World of Words by Caroline J. Blakemore and Barbara Weston Ramirez. I'm reading it because I really want to read to Daniel in a way that helps him to ENJOY reading. I tend to think kids learn what they want to learn; I certainly did. And they may learn the things they don't want to learn, too, but they don't love it, and when it becomes voluntary, they don't do it. I grew up reading, but I didn't carry that into my adulthood as much as I wish I had. Books, of course, are the key to learning almost anything else a person wants to learn, so I'm hoping we can make this reading thing unintimidating and fun for Daniel.
Daniel really enjoys it when we emphasize interactive reading. That's not my strength, really. The experts say it's good to embellish the text and to freely augment the language on the page, but I am naturally inclined to read the words on the page. I'm also not prone to using silly voices, or as the experts say, parentese. I tend to speak to Daniel as if he understands exactly what I'm saying, and I tend to read to him in a matter of fact tone. But I'm working on that. I've read that the goofy voices are good for him, and he definitely prefers them. So, I try. Rhett's great at this, though!
One of the most rewarding things that we share with Daniel continues to be our church community. The church we've chosen in which to raise our child is one which has nourished me and Rhett since our courtship, and I love being able to set Daniel in the arms of any of the wonderful people with whom we worship each Sunday and knowing that he's with someone safe, loving, and kind.
There are some things we don't yet have ways to offer Daniel, and that we want to be able to offer him. Chief among these is that neither Rhett nor I speak Spanish, and we really wish that we could enable our son to grow up bilingual. It's already pretty difficult to work as a social worker if you don't speak Spanish, and I think that's rapidly becoming the case in many professions. Besides, it's just crummy that America has done such a lousy job of welcoming the influences of other nations. It's really not okay for any of us to speak only one language. I don't know how we can offer him Spanish, though. I hope we can figure that out.)
THURSDAY, APRIL 10, 2008 Back to work
Rhett and I started our new jobs today. We had realized that Rhett's job at DSS was just not a job he could keep and still be a parent. He had dangerous clients who had threatened his life and even tracked down where we live, and that scared me. Also, in the two years he has worked there, Rhett has worked between 60-80 hours each week, gained a lot of weight (from eating on the go, not having time for exercise, and getting too little sleep), and gotten quite burned out. We wanted him to be an active presence in the life of our child, so DSS had to go.
In order for him to leave DSS, we really both needed to start making an income. I've been in law school full time since we were married, and we've done a great job of living frugally on just one, social work (small) salary. But babies are expensive and we'd like to let go of some of our money worries, so I decided to join him in work as an in-home family therapist with a wonderful agency called "Carolina Outreach." In this job, we work from home and we set our own schedules. We'll each be responsible for billing 25 hours a week, which we can easily do by staggering which one of us works, and which of us stays with the baby. That was the goal: no daycare!
We did need to find some care for Daniel this week, though, since both Rhett and I had to go to training. We've been going to training each day this week, and I can't speak highly enough for this agency. There just aren't very many social work jobs that are invested in helping employees have healthy, happy family lives, but they are absolutely bending over backwards to make our transition into work go as smoothly as possible. There's a meeting next week that both Rhett and I need to go to, and we won't have childcare lined up for it, so they said to just bring Daniel along.
I admit, I've been a little nervous about returning to work, but I went out on a visit to shadow one of the other therapists last night, and all of my remaining jitters went away. While visiting with the family, I remembered the feelings of confidence and fulfillment that I used to have doing mitigation. It's been such a long time since I've felt that way. Law school had really stripped me of that. This is so clearly where my natural gifts lie. I may still choose to use the law degree at some point, but this feeling of being in the right place is really precious for now. I have also been surprised that as C.O. makes it more and more clear that they understand that Rhett's and my first priority is, and is RiGHTLY the care of our child, I feel more and more okay about it when we have needed to leave Daniel with my sister each morning in order to go to training. Knowing that C.O. cares about us enough to ensure that we are able to give Daniel the care he deserves makes it easier to make space for fulfilling work.
POSTED BY EMILIE BROWN AT 7:36 AM
In order for him to leave DSS, we really both needed to start making an income. I've been in law school full time since we were married, and we've done a great job of living frugally on just one, social work (small) salary. But babies are expensive and we'd like to let go of some of our money worries, so I decided to join him in work as an in-home family therapist with a wonderful agency called "Carolina Outreach." In this job, we work from home and we set our own schedules. We'll each be responsible for billing 25 hours a week, which we can easily do by staggering which one of us works, and which of us stays with the baby. That was the goal: no daycare!
We did need to find some care for Daniel this week, though, since both Rhett and I had to go to training. We've been going to training each day this week, and I can't speak highly enough for this agency. There just aren't very many social work jobs that are invested in helping employees have healthy, happy family lives, but they are absolutely bending over backwards to make our transition into work go as smoothly as possible. There's a meeting next week that both Rhett and I need to go to, and we won't have childcare lined up for it, so they said to just bring Daniel along.
I admit, I've been a little nervous about returning to work, but I went out on a visit to shadow one of the other therapists last night, and all of my remaining jitters went away. While visiting with the family, I remembered the feelings of confidence and fulfillment that I used to have doing mitigation. It's been such a long time since I've felt that way. Law school had really stripped me of that. This is so clearly where my natural gifts lie. I may still choose to use the law degree at some point, but this feeling of being in the right place is really precious for now. I have also been surprised that as C.O. makes it more and more clear that they understand that Rhett's and my first priority is, and is RiGHTLY the care of our child, I feel more and more okay about it when we have needed to leave Daniel with my sister each morning in order to go to training. Knowing that C.O. cares about us enough to ensure that we are able to give Daniel the care he deserves makes it easier to make space for fulfilling work.
POSTED BY EMILIE BROWN AT 7:36 AM
We figured out that that Daniel likes his play gym last week when Grandma was visiting. I'd been a little confused by the play gym before that because I thought you were supposed to just put the baby under it and then he would take it from there. But not so! Grandma put him under it, and then began gently wiggling the arcs over the baby, so that the toys suspended from the arcs began to bounce around, and the rattles on the gym made rattling noises. Daniel was enthralled, and stared, smiled, and cooed for stretches of about ten minutes at a time.
So, yesterday, I learned how to step it up a little,
and the wonderful world of playing with babies is open to me now!
I've been reading this really cool book called Baby
Minds: Brain-Building Games Your Baby Will Love by Linda Acredolo and
Susan Goodwyn, and on Tuesday night I discovered games that the
Daniel can actually play along with, at the ripe old age of TWO
MONTHS! I put Daniel under his play gym, and then waited. I didn't
wiggle the arcs. Then, when he kicked his feet, I wiggled the arcs.
When his foot stopped moving, I stopped wiggling. I wondered if he'd
figure it out. (The book said he would, and that it would be great
fun for him.) The baby in Baby Minds took about five minutes to
figure out the game the mom had set up for her, but little Daniel
only needed about 40 seconds. He wrinkled his brow, looked
ponderously at the arcs, and then began to kick his feet. First he
tried one foot, then the other, then both together, and soon he was
having a merry ole' time. He looked with perfect concentration at the
toys bouncing over him, occasionally paused to see them stop moving,
and when they did, began his kicking again. It was marvelous! We
continued the game for about 15 minutes, till his eyes started to
droop.
Then, last night I thought I'd see if this had been
real (a two month old doing problem solving). I put him back under
the play gym, but this time, I thought I'd change the rules. This
time, I only wiggled the arcs when he kicked his right foot. Sure
enough, he tested each foot individually, then together, and only
when the right foot was moving did I wiggle the arcs. When the arcs
didn't move for his left foot, he stuck out his tongue and looked
perplexed, and even a little annoyed, then we were off to the races.
He tried his right foot once (wiggle), then again (wiggle), and you
could seek the expression in his eyes, "Eureka! I've figured it
out!" And so he played. He did the right foot slow, then fast,
then both feet together, all getting wiggles. I wiggled it fast when
he kicked fast, and slow when he kicked slow. He was having a ball!
Then I goofed a little. I thought I might try
changing the rules again when he had figured out the game. I thought
he would enjoy solving the new puzzle. So, I stopped wiggling the
arcs for his right foot, and waited for him to try his left. I
thought he would, but he didn't! Instead, he kept trying his right
foot over and over, and after about 20 seconds of trying his right
foot and it not working, he got mad! His little lip stuck out and his
eyes looked tragic, and he let out this pitiful wail he makes when
he's mad. He has hungry cries, wet cries, sleepy cries, and gassy
cries: all distinguishable from each other. Then, there's the "no
fair!" cry. We don't hear that one a lot, but he definitely
wanted those little toys to dance when he kicked that right foot.
There he'd been under his play gym, master of all he surveyed,
literally! Then I'd stripped him of his power. No wonder he was mad.
Mean Mommy!
So I picked him up and comforted him, then put him
back under the play gym, resolved to wiggle the arcs for any kick of
any kind because he clearly wasn't happy. No dice. Then, Aunt Katie,
who is visiting for the week (while Rhett and I train for our new
jobs) picked up the Daniel's left foot and wiggled the arcs. He
stopped crying. His eyes widened and he looked at the arcs, and Kick!
went his left foot. Kick! Again, the left foot. He'd figured it out!
Off to the races again. It was splendid. Baby can play!
SATURDAY, APRIL 5, 2008 Took at Trip to Bishopville
Tuesday through Thursday Rhett and I took Daniel to Bishopville to meet his extended family on the Brown side. It was in some ways very stressful, in some ways really wonderful, and in all ways, very instructive to us. We hadn't had our sweet boy in the car for long prior to Tuesday, and we were pleased to learn that he likes the car just fine. We stopped a few times to change him and hold him, so as to make the trip as low stress as possible.
Then, when we got to SC, relatives came. First came Rhett's cousin Laura, whom I like a lot and regularly correspond with. I had forgotten the pack-n-play that B & J loaned us, so Laura brought us theirs. She gave it to us! I tried to pay her for it but she wouldn’t let me!! What a generous gift!!!
We
had a lot of fun, but were all ready for our afternoon nap once we
left Columbia.
The final piece of the trip was introducing Daniel to
his uncle, C. We had planned to meet C at Pizza Hut on Tuesday night
but he had been busy all week and forgot, so we met him Wednesday
night at Zaxby’s instead. It was good to catch up with C and to
introduce him to his nephew. The rest of the trip was pretty low key.
We just hung out at the house with GB and Lorie (Rhett’s mother)
and let them bond with their grandson.
Thursday afternoon we headed home happy. Our little
boy has met more of his family and been initiated into his most
Southern heritage.
2 COMMENTS:
Mya said...
Welcome back to the blogosphere :)
APRIL 6, 2008 1:53 PM
Grace said...
The story about GB introducing Daniel to the assembly
is making me tear up. How wonderful. :-)
APRIL 14, 2008 3:07 PM
MONDAY, MARCH 31, 2008 A Joyous and Solemn Occasion Post by Rhett
Our Priest, Lisa, blessed our family with these words from the Book of Common Prayer last Sunday at ECOTA. Lisa previously spoke these words at UNC Hospital, only hours after Daniel's birth. They were helpful in getting through those first few sleepless nights of learning to be a dad. However, the words took on greater meaning in our spiritual community.
It's certainly true that our Daniel is a great blessing to us, perhaps the greatest blessing our our lives. He has changed our lives forever. Never again will we live solely for ourselves. Daniel's need for us, and our need for him, reminds us that life is only worth living when its goal is giving and receiving love. We will spend the rest of our lives, giving Daniel our love, and accepting his offers of love. Even as we are connected to him, even as he is from us, he is greater than the sum of his parts. Because we love him, and because we desire connection with him, we must be willing to honor and bless his unique and special identity; an identity that will emerge slowly over the course of his life.
In this way, we are profoundly connected to the experience of God, whose internal life has been described by the relationship between a parent and child. I write these words with some caution, because neither PM nor I have God's full perspective. We can only guess at the God experience, and any attempt to compare it to our own is as Karl Barth once said "baby talk."
Em and I are fallible, finite human beings. We love our son very much. We pray and hope for only the best for our relationship with him. We will make mistakes, and by grace, we will learn from them.
It is an awareness of our finitude that makes the BCM blessing all the more powerful when spoken in our community of faith. Yesterday, the community made a preliminary statement of support that will be fully embodied in Daniel's baptism. Everyone there, young and old, single and partnered, those who have biological children and those who serve as spiritual parents and mentors said, "we're in this with you. Parenting is joyful, it is solemn. It is lovely. It is messy. We're thankful to be in this lovely mess with you." Parenting is a lovely mess. I'm reminded of this everytime PM and I get excited about poops and spit-ups, and every time I hear other parents talking with excitement about the beauty and wonder of their life as parents.
This is profoundly good news. It's good news because it means that Em and I are never alone in our care for Daniel. When Daniel smiles and laughs with us after feedings, the community's prayers are with us. When Daniel screams at the top of his lungs with the occasional colic, the community of those who have shared this experience in the past are with us. As we take this journey with Daniel, there are experiences, both joyful and solemn, that we will share with him. I don't know the specifics of what they will be, but I do know that our church community will share them with us.
For many years, when facing a situation that causes me to feel anxiety and/or fear, I have imagined that my closest friends are present with me. For example, when testifying in a contentious court case, or attempting to address a difficult conflict at work, or in engaging a grueling paper work task, I have imagined that those closest to me are sharing the experience with me, offering me their support, helping me get through it.
On Sunday at ECOTA, Em and I were reminded that as parents, we have God's blessing. God will be incarnate through our closest friends, with whom we share community, with whom we share the joyous and solemn occasion of parenting.
1 COMMENTS:
Grace said...
It looks like Buck is about to eat the Daniel! :-D
I started this blog during my pregnancy with Daniel. Its purpose was to document my thoughts/feelings/experiences for the child having them with me from the womb. I tried to start another blog – separate from the pregnancy and found that just didn't work. That Daniel I knew before his birth and the Daniel I know now are so clearly the same person; I can't wrap my head around separating them... especially since this blog's primary purpose is to document for Daniel all of that which he may one day want to know in order to make sense of, expand on, write/think about, share more of who he is. I've begun consolidating the entries from the ill-fated post-pregnancy blog and posting them here. Blogging post-pregnancy is a lot harder than blogging pre-pregnancy, so entries have been spotty. Sometimes because we were enjoying ourselves to much to pause and document; sometimes because we were overwhelmed by life and its ever-unfolding story. These days, I find myself wanting and able to write more, so here I am, in the fervent hope of resuming the story our our family's shared life.
THURSDAY, MARCH 27, 2008 - The Quest to Get Back into Pre-Pregnancy Clothes
I gained a bunch of weight during pregnancy and I can’t get into my clothes. This is not a vanity issue; it’s an economic consideration. I refuse to buy all new clothes. So, it’s time to get my weight back to something close to what it was pre-pregnancy. Before pregnancy I weighed 113 but that was a little thinner than I want to maintain, so I’ve set a goal. I’m at 141.6 now and I’m going to get back down to 120lbs, then reevaluate. Rhett gained sympathy weight during the pregnancy. He got up to 232, and he’s decided to get back down to his pre-DSS weight of 200lbs. We’re a great team so I have faith that we’ll be able to do this together.
Defining the approach is the first task for anyone when they undertake to lose weight. “Just eat right and exercise” is what some would say (and likely, will say), but for me it’s just not that simple. You see, I am EXTREMELY finicky. I don’t like foods that touch each other (with a few select exceptions); I don’t like vegetables (with a VERY few exceptions); I don’t like foods that smell strange, look strange, or have strange sounding names. And when I say “don’t like,” I mean that I have a post-traumatic stress-like reaction when I try to eat them. I gag, choke, and might even cry.
I tried to force myself to “eat right” for the first 25 years of my life. The result was that I felt awful about myself for failing, didn’t eat enough of the healthy stuff and then ate gobs and gobs of junk food because I was so freaking hungry from my attempts at “will power.” I also weighed more than I wanted to. At 5’3, a good weight for me is probably about 120. Between ages 12 and 25 I tended to oscillate between 128 and 135. I went to countless nutritionists, several shrinks, an occupational therapist, and a hypnotist. All failed.
Finally, I gave up. I decided that I was going to leave myself alone and eat whatever I felt like whenever I felt like it. I got rid of my scale and my exercise bike. Nothing in my space reminded me of something that I “should” be doing or eating or not eating. I felt an enormous weight lifted off of me. My emotional attachment to food disappeared and my fears about food were lessened. I became interested in cooking for the sake of enjoyment and chose recipes based not on their nutritional value, but on the probability that I would enjoy them. When people invited me to dinner I accepted but when they served things I was nervous about I just told people without shame that I am permanently weird when it comes to food, and I trusted them to love me anyway (they did!). I even started trying foods I would previously have been afraid to try because I had given myself permission not to eat any more if I didn’t like them. I even like asparagus and tomatoes now, if prepared right or in the right recipe.
All of this was complicated by the fact that prior to giving up on my weight and my corresponding desire to eat what the world calls “healthy,” I was competing in the Miss America Organization (I know, I know; it was a bizarre time and I certainly wouldn’t anyone else to do it, but that’s a different story for a different day, and I trust you not to judge me unless you know the whole story). The MAO, as you know, had a “physical fitness” competition, aka “swimsuit” competition. At 5’3 and on the curvy side, that wasn’t an easy area for me. I worked with a trainer who sought to reduce my body fat by having me do absurd amounts of low-impact cardio. One summer I did some kind of low-intensity cardio for 85 minutes per day. I enjoyed the exercise, but the fact that it was “expected” of me meant that as soon as the state pageant was over, I returned to the couch. I never got under 128.
After I surrendered to my idiosyncratic eating desires and an utterly sedentary lifestyle, the strangest thing happened. I lost about 15lbs - down to 113. I certainly wasn’t looking for that result. In fact, I didn’t even know about it because I’d gotten rid of the scale. I didn’t find out till our preconception counseling doctor’s appointment.
I have stubbornly refused to adhere to any food expectations or to judge my appetite, even throughout pregnancy as I watched my weight climb to 175. But as I said above, it’s time to get my weight back to something close to what it was pre-pregnancy because I’m not willing to replace my entire pre-pregnancy wardrobe. So how do I go about losing weight. Yikes. I don’t know!! So I’ve decided on a few things that I’m willing to do, and if they don’t seem to be working in a couple of weeks, I’ll revisit this. Here are my goals:
(1) Drink 8, 8oz glasses of water per day. Don’t drink anything other than water until I’ve had all the water.
(2) Don’t drink more than one Sprite per day.
(3) Do some form of low intensity cardio for 40 minutes per day, four days per week.
(4) Eat a bowl of cheerios before 10am each day.
Rhett is a little more zealous than I am. He’s already walking/running 5 miles per day, every day. He’s also reduced his carbs and sugar intake and is eating more fruits and veggies. Go Rhett! I don’t want to do that much. But starting tonight I’m going to try to meet the above four goals and I hope they help. In the meantime, I’m going to go to the thrift store and pick up just a few things to tide me over as I prepare to go to the State House in Columbia, SC next week and to begin work the following week. I can’t expect myself to fit into much of my pre-pregnancy wardrobe before then.
4 COMMENTS:
Grace said...
What are some examples of low-impact cardio? I'm interested!
Em said...
Low-impact cardio: Cleaning the house vigorously enough to get the heartrate up a bit; walking a little fast; walking a normal pace up hill or while carrying a big baby; etc.
MisTrish said...
I am a new mommie (11 mos in to it) I went from 130 to 180 during pregnancy. and gained 8 more lbs after. i just started my 30 min walking, 8 glass water, smaller portion diet today. i'm looking 2 lose 50 lbs. but i know this will take time and i will do what i need 2 do. I would like 2 know how you've progressed since last year and i will keep you up to date on my progress. Like u i refuse to by a post preg wardrobe! wish me luck!!!
mrsdixon247 said...
HI I JUST READ YOUR BLOG AND IT WAS REALLY ENCOURAGING IVE BEEN REALLY DOWN ABOUT MY WEIGHT THIS PAST WEEK, I HAVE A NEW BORN WHO IS ALMOST TWO MONTHS OLD AND I NEED MY BODY BACK SO TOMORROW I WILL START MY WATER AND MY CARDIO WISH ME LUCK!!!!!!
Defining the approach is the first task for anyone when they undertake to lose weight. “Just eat right and exercise” is what some would say (and likely, will say), but for me it’s just not that simple. You see, I am EXTREMELY finicky. I don’t like foods that touch each other (with a few select exceptions); I don’t like vegetables (with a VERY few exceptions); I don’t like foods that smell strange, look strange, or have strange sounding names. And when I say “don’t like,” I mean that I have a post-traumatic stress-like reaction when I try to eat them. I gag, choke, and might even cry.
I tried to force myself to “eat right” for the first 25 years of my life. The result was that I felt awful about myself for failing, didn’t eat enough of the healthy stuff and then ate gobs and gobs of junk food because I was so freaking hungry from my attempts at “will power.” I also weighed more than I wanted to. At 5’3, a good weight for me is probably about 120. Between ages 12 and 25 I tended to oscillate between 128 and 135. I went to countless nutritionists, several shrinks, an occupational therapist, and a hypnotist. All failed.
Finally, I gave up. I decided that I was going to leave myself alone and eat whatever I felt like whenever I felt like it. I got rid of my scale and my exercise bike. Nothing in my space reminded me of something that I “should” be doing or eating or not eating. I felt an enormous weight lifted off of me. My emotional attachment to food disappeared and my fears about food were lessened. I became interested in cooking for the sake of enjoyment and chose recipes based not on their nutritional value, but on the probability that I would enjoy them. When people invited me to dinner I accepted but when they served things I was nervous about I just told people without shame that I am permanently weird when it comes to food, and I trusted them to love me anyway (they did!). I even started trying foods I would previously have been afraid to try because I had given myself permission not to eat any more if I didn’t like them. I even like asparagus and tomatoes now, if prepared right or in the right recipe.
All of this was complicated by the fact that prior to giving up on my weight and my corresponding desire to eat what the world calls “healthy,” I was competing in the Miss America Organization (I know, I know; it was a bizarre time and I certainly wouldn’t anyone else to do it, but that’s a different story for a different day, and I trust you not to judge me unless you know the whole story). The MAO, as you know, had a “physical fitness” competition, aka “swimsuit” competition. At 5’3 and on the curvy side, that wasn’t an easy area for me. I worked with a trainer who sought to reduce my body fat by having me do absurd amounts of low-impact cardio. One summer I did some kind of low-intensity cardio for 85 minutes per day. I enjoyed the exercise, but the fact that it was “expected” of me meant that as soon as the state pageant was over, I returned to the couch. I never got under 128.
After I surrendered to my idiosyncratic eating desires and an utterly sedentary lifestyle, the strangest thing happened. I lost about 15lbs - down to 113. I certainly wasn’t looking for that result. In fact, I didn’t even know about it because I’d gotten rid of the scale. I didn’t find out till our preconception counseling doctor’s appointment.
I have stubbornly refused to adhere to any food expectations or to judge my appetite, even throughout pregnancy as I watched my weight climb to 175. But as I said above, it’s time to get my weight back to something close to what it was pre-pregnancy because I’m not willing to replace my entire pre-pregnancy wardrobe. So how do I go about losing weight. Yikes. I don’t know!! So I’ve decided on a few things that I’m willing to do, and if they don’t seem to be working in a couple of weeks, I’ll revisit this. Here are my goals:
(1) Drink 8, 8oz glasses of water per day. Don’t drink anything other than water until I’ve had all the water.
(2) Don’t drink more than one Sprite per day.
(3) Do some form of low intensity cardio for 40 minutes per day, four days per week.
(4) Eat a bowl of cheerios before 10am each day.
Rhett is a little more zealous than I am. He’s already walking/running 5 miles per day, every day. He’s also reduced his carbs and sugar intake and is eating more fruits and veggies. Go Rhett! I don’t want to do that much. But starting tonight I’m going to try to meet the above four goals and I hope they help. In the meantime, I’m going to go to the thrift store and pick up just a few things to tide me over as I prepare to go to the State House in Columbia, SC next week and to begin work the following week. I can’t expect myself to fit into much of my pre-pregnancy wardrobe before then.
4 COMMENTS:
Grace said...
What are some examples of low-impact cardio? I'm interested!
Em said...
Low-impact cardio: Cleaning the house vigorously enough to get the heartrate up a bit; walking a little fast; walking a normal pace up hill or while carrying a big baby; etc.
MisTrish said...
I am a new mommie (11 mos in to it) I went from 130 to 180 during pregnancy. and gained 8 more lbs after. i just started my 30 min walking, 8 glass water, smaller portion diet today. i'm looking 2 lose 50 lbs. but i know this will take time and i will do what i need 2 do. I would like 2 know how you've progressed since last year and i will keep you up to date on my progress. Like u i refuse to by a post preg wardrobe! wish me luck!!!
mrsdixon247 said...
HI I JUST READ YOUR BLOG AND IT WAS REALLY ENCOURAGING IVE BEEN REALLY DOWN ABOUT MY WEIGHT THIS PAST WEEK, I HAVE A NEW BORN WHO IS ALMOST TWO MONTHS OLD AND I NEED MY BODY BACK SO TOMORROW I WILL START MY WATER AND MY CARDIO WISH ME LUCK!!!!!!
Resuming the Chronicals - 3/26/2008
The PunkieKid will be 7 weeks old tomorrow and I miss blogging. And very flatteringly, several of you have told me and Rhett that you miss reading about our happenings. So, here we begin. I have several posts in my head and will try to get them all written out and posted in the next several days. Read as you can, and post comments when you can. It always makes us happy to hear the thoughts, advice and support of friends.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Reflections on Gratitude
I'm grateful, but not just grateful in a generalized way. This week, I'm grateful for the particulars of my life. Those who know me well can attest that I often tell anyone who will listen that I am "the luckiest man alive." I say this because of my wife. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. That always true, generally speaking. But after being sick, and I mean really sick, for six days last week, I am grateful for Em in a more particular way. Here's why I'm so grateful.
When I came home from work ten days ago, aching all over, burning up with fever, and clueless as to what was wrong with me, Em took action. She took my temperature, and gave me Tylenol. She consulted Web MD. She consulted with the CVS pharmacist, called the UNC Healthline, and drove me to the ER (all while setting up childcare for our son). She sat with me in the ER, facing her significant fear of needles, as various medical personel poked and stuck me for hours on end.
When I went home, and got worse, she took me back to the ER, and stayed with me until admitted to the hospital. Upon discharge, she assumed (with the help of friends) all childcare responsibilities while I recovered.
Yes, dear friends, I am the luckiest man alive. I am married to the love of my life, who was there for me this week "in sickness" just as she has been "in health."
Saturday, March 8, 2008
PunkieFamily Signing Off
I wrote this - intending to end the blog - but it I wanted to write on it so much during later months and years, you'll see that this was not, in fact, the end of the blog.
Dear Daniel,
This is my last post on behalf of your PunkieFamily in waiting. Today marks the end of your first month in the world, and it’s long overdue for me to close this blog. I started it because I wanted to record your father’s and my path of making your path ready. I’ve done my best to keep a these memories; and your dad has chimed in some too. But now the getting ready is over and it’s time for us to get on with the parenting. I can’t say whether we were as ready as we thought we were or could have been, but over all, I think we’ve done just fine. Your dad and I are at the very beginning of a long and in many ways, still unfathomable journey. I look forward to sharing it with you and your dad, and with the many wonderful people who have helped us to prepare ourselves for you.
Love, Mom
Dear Daniel,
This is my last post on behalf of your PunkieFamily in waiting. Today marks the end of your first month in the world, and it’s long overdue for me to close this blog. I started it because I wanted to record your father’s and my path of making your path ready. I’ve done my best to keep a these memories; and your dad has chimed in some too. But now the getting ready is over and it’s time for us to get on with the parenting. I can’t say whether we were as ready as we thought we were or could have been, but over all, I think we’ve done just fine. Your dad and I are at the very beginning of a long and in many ways, still unfathomable journey. I look forward to sharing it with you and your dad, and with the many wonderful people who have helped us to prepare ourselves for you.
Love, Mom
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Who am I?
Daniel,
Do you wonder who your mother is? Probably not. That's a pretty abstract thought, and you might be precocious but I doubt you're concerned with this. Anyway, I'm kind of fascinated. A year ago I'd have said I'm a student, a social activist, a friend, a wife, a hobbiest, and if I'd thought long on the topic, I might have come up with other things. To this I would now add the following:
Your mom
Do you wonder who your mother is? Probably not. That's a pretty abstract thought, and you might be precocious but I doubt you're concerned with this. Anyway, I'm kind of fascinated. A year ago I'd have said I'm a student, a social activist, a friend, a wife, a hobbiest, and if I'd thought long on the topic, I might have come up with other things. To this I would now add the following:
- I am a spit rag. (My shirt is much more convenient when the fluids are coming fast).
- I am a chef. (The pediatrician discusses the many choices there are, even w/r/t infant formula feeding. The decisions are ours to make).
- I am a journalist. (I am still trying to record your life story for documentary purposes).
- I'm a night-watchperson. (I still check on you a lot before you go to sleep, which is still very late at night, but we're working on that).
- I'm a photographer. (I'm still trying to fill up a camera for my mother, and my mother just mailed us a new digital camera so that she can be sure to watch your growth via photos.
- I'm a percussionist. (I play your back in search of the elusive belch).
- I'm a laundress. (I wash LOTS of laundry; but your father washes more).
- I am a reporter. (I keep your grandparents abreast of developments; e.g., we saw the pediatrician today; he says you are physically strong, weight gain is on track, and that much to my surprise he thinks your eyes are going to be brown.)
- I'm a doting idiot. (I say stupid things in stupid voices). I won't apologize for that; I blame the fact that I'm so totally in love with you).
Your mom
Sunday, March 2, 2008
What to do on dreary days?
According to my weekly e-mail update, “Many moms (and dads, by the way, though the e-mail seems not to recognize this) start to feel lonely and isolated at this point. Your partner may be back at work (mine is not, thank-you Bill Clinton for FMLA and thank-you PunkiePapa, for being liberated and brave), your own mom may have gone home (mine has), and your most frequent guest may be the pizza-delivery guy (occasional, but not often, thanks to the lovely meals that friends have brought to us). Meanwhile, the constant tick-tick-tick of your baby's feeding schedule may have you feeling tethered to your rocking chair (yep!).”
So here we are. A change of scene would be lovely, but it’s flu season and we really don’t want to take Daniel anywhere that he might be exposed to the flu, or, as a nurse mentioned the other day, to “The Chatham County Crud,” which is also going around. Going outside would also be very nice, but it’s freezing out; not a good idea for a brand new baby. So, what to do to keep from losing my mind and to still be connected to the outside world? As I finish this entry, it's 57 degrees outside and beautiful; but when I started it, it was 29 degrees outside and gross. Here is my list of things you can still do with a perplexingly fussy baby in your arms when it’s 29 degrees outside. This list is not complete. More ideas are welcome; nay, requested!
1. Read other people’s blogs. Keep blogging, buddies.
2. Listen to books on CD/Tape/Computer
3. Remember all the cd’s you’ve forgotten you had and that you really liked once-upon-a-time.
4. Watch all the stuff saved up on the DVR that you meant to watch at some point but never did.
5. Do bicep, tricep, and pectoral work by lifting the baby in various ways. (If Daniel gains any more weight, I have to stop this because for another 3 weeks, my doctor is very firm on the not lifting anything heavier than 10lbs thing, even if the 10+lbs thing is Daniel).
6. Type one-handed, probably-typo-filled blog entries.
7. Call whomever you owe a phone call. Grandmothers, are an especially good choice.
8. Read parenting magazines (they don’t require two hands to support them, as most books do). They are cluttering up the apartment and aren’t worth keeping around. They generally have only a few useful items (the latest recalls and a coupon for ear medicine, for instance). Once skimmed, they can be recycled without guilt.
9. If the baby is willing to hang out in the sling, prepare dinner and invite friends over (provided that they don't have the Chatham crud or the flu).
Hugs, Mom
So here we are. A change of scene would be lovely, but it’s flu season and we really don’t want to take Daniel anywhere that he might be exposed to the flu, or, as a nurse mentioned the other day, to “The Chatham County Crud,” which is also going around. Going outside would also be very nice, but it’s freezing out; not a good idea for a brand new baby. So, what to do to keep from losing my mind and to still be connected to the outside world? As I finish this entry, it's 57 degrees outside and beautiful; but when I started it, it was 29 degrees outside and gross. Here is my list of things you can still do with a perplexingly fussy baby in your arms when it’s 29 degrees outside. This list is not complete. More ideas are welcome; nay, requested!
1. Read other people’s blogs. Keep blogging, buddies.
2. Listen to books on CD/Tape/Computer
3. Remember all the cd’s you’ve forgotten you had and that you really liked once-upon-a-time.
4. Watch all the stuff saved up on the DVR that you meant to watch at some point but never did.
5. Do bicep, tricep, and pectoral work by lifting the baby in various ways. (If Daniel gains any more weight, I have to stop this because for another 3 weeks, my doctor is very firm on the not lifting anything heavier than 10lbs thing, even if the 10+lbs thing is Daniel).
6. Type one-handed, probably-typo-filled blog entries.
7. Call whomever you owe a phone call. Grandmothers, are an especially good choice.
8. Read parenting magazines (they don’t require two hands to support them, as most books do). They are cluttering up the apartment and aren’t worth keeping around. They generally have only a few useful items (the latest recalls and a coupon for ear medicine, for instance). Once skimmed, they can be recycled without guilt.
9. If the baby is willing to hang out in the sling, prepare dinner and invite friends over (provided that they don't have the Chatham crud or the flu).
Hugs, Mom
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Adding a new trick to my bag: faking it when all else fails.
It's funny how feeling competent seemed to play into my morning with Daniel today. In the last couple of days Daniel has been awake and alert more, which is GREAT, but he's also fussier than he's been to date. Thank goodness, I get a weekly e-mail called "ages and stages" from Parenting magazine that tells me what to expect when he's a week old, two weeks old, three weeks old, etc. This week's e-mail warned us that this would be a fussier week than we've had thus far. Knowing that this is normal is hugely comforting because if it's normal, it means we're doing a fine job of parenting thus far. At least, that's how I'm choosing to look at it. That's important because I'm learning that this kid and I are still connected in a funny, important way. That is: if I can convince myself that I'm equipped and capable for the task of caring for this precious little being, not only do I feel better, but he does! He knows! So I'm trying something new.
Ever since I was in middle school, I've felt strong and confident and happy and exhilerated when I sing along with cd's of people singing songs I know and like, and who sing way better than I do. This morning, as with most mornings lately, Daniel has seemed really unhappy. It's none of the usual culprits and it can be pretty disheartening to try and try everything that's ever helped and find it not working. So today I held Daniel close in a soft, warm blanket, turned on some Audra McDonald and danced around (badly) and sang along (badly). I should add, merely playing that cd worked yesterday, but today not at all. While singing, I felt good despite the fussiness; and lo-and-behold, slowly but very surely so did he. It's an awful feeling to know that something is hurting Daniel, but the consolation is that it's a wonderful feeling to be holding him and to feel like I've been a part of healing whatever was tormenting him.
Ever since I was in middle school, I've felt strong and confident and happy and exhilerated when I sing along with cd's of people singing songs I know and like, and who sing way better than I do. This morning, as with most mornings lately, Daniel has seemed really unhappy. It's none of the usual culprits and it can be pretty disheartening to try and try everything that's ever helped and find it not working. So today I held Daniel close in a soft, warm blanket, turned on some Audra McDonald and danced around (badly) and sang along (badly). I should add, merely playing that cd worked yesterday, but today not at all. While singing, I felt good despite the fussiness; and lo-and-behold, slowly but very surely so did he. It's an awful feeling to know that something is hurting Daniel, but the consolation is that it's a wonderful feeling to be holding him and to feel like I've been a part of healing whatever was tormenting him.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Things to try to soothe a perplexingly fussy baby when it’s 29 degrees outside.
According to the PARENTING e-mail I get each week, this week “your baby's more alert between feedings and absorbing more stimuli now, so perhaps he's becoming more vocal. (Yep!) If this is the case, your sleep and your patience may be taxed. (Yep!) This week's newsletter talks about quieting and comforting your baby and offers strategies for surviving colic. Whether or not you have "a crier," your baby's wailing starts to intensify around this time. (Yep!) Aside from feeding him, changing him, and keeping him warm and comfortable, what can you do?” The e-mail then provided a bunch of links that should theoretically answer this question, but strangely, none of the links works. So, here’s my own list.
Things to try to soothe a perplexingly fussy baby when it’s 29 degrees outside.
1. Is it the diaper?
2. Is he hungry? (No, he can’t possibly be.) Are you sure?
3. Everything it says in “The happiest baby on the block.” That is: swaddle, swing, shush, side-hold, and provide a finger or pacifier for sucking.
4. Take 2 Excedrin Migraine. This will (a) stave off the possible migraine and (b) provide needed caffeine energy for all other efforts and projects.
5. Cry a little if necessary, but don’t get worked up. Crying won’t kill him or scar him permanently, but getting worked up will definitely make it harder for him to stop crying.
6. Empathize with him out loud. Today, my monologue has gone something like this: “Yes, I know; it’s such a big world out here. It’s so, so big. So much has changed so quickly. It’s okay; cry it all out. I understand. I’d be crying too if I’d just gotten pried out of my warm, safe, comfortable home. But it’s going to be okay because your dad and I love you so, so much and whatever you need we will make sure you have. I know it’s hard right now because we’re just learning how to understand your needs, but you’re doing a great job of teaching us what you need. So you go right ahead and cry; and as you do I’m going to keep trying to figure out what you need. So don’t give up on me. You go right on crying ‘til I get it right.” I know that might sound strange, but by encouraging him to go right on and cry, I really save myself from that awful feeling of incompetence; that frustrated “Just PLEASE stop crying” feeling that doesn’t get us any closer to a solution.
7. Turn on whatever cd or other music you listened to a lot during pregnancy. It really doesn’t seem to matter what that it is. For me and Daniel, our number one pick is Audra McDonald’s “Way Back to Paradise,” with a tie for second place between Lyle Lovett’s “Joshua Judges Ruth” and Gordon Lightfoot’s “A Painter Passing Through”
8. There will be more revelations to fill in #8… and 9, 10, etc… So, till then… Don’t stop trying. Eventually the crying will stop, and as Hillary says, the clouds will part, celestial choirs will sing, and we’ll all know and do what’s right. The baby will love again! Or, he'll fall asleep.
Things to try to soothe a perplexingly fussy baby when it’s 29 degrees outside.
1. Is it the diaper?
2. Is he hungry? (No, he can’t possibly be.) Are you sure?
3. Everything it says in “The happiest baby on the block.” That is: swaddle, swing, shush, side-hold, and provide a finger or pacifier for sucking.
4. Take 2 Excedrin Migraine. This will (a) stave off the possible migraine and (b) provide needed caffeine energy for all other efforts and projects.
5. Cry a little if necessary, but don’t get worked up. Crying won’t kill him or scar him permanently, but getting worked up will definitely make it harder for him to stop crying.
6. Empathize with him out loud. Today, my monologue has gone something like this: “Yes, I know; it’s such a big world out here. It’s so, so big. So much has changed so quickly. It’s okay; cry it all out. I understand. I’d be crying too if I’d just gotten pried out of my warm, safe, comfortable home. But it’s going to be okay because your dad and I love you so, so much and whatever you need we will make sure you have. I know it’s hard right now because we’re just learning how to understand your needs, but you’re doing a great job of teaching us what you need. So you go right ahead and cry; and as you do I’m going to keep trying to figure out what you need. So don’t give up on me. You go right on crying ‘til I get it right.” I know that might sound strange, but by encouraging him to go right on and cry, I really save myself from that awful feeling of incompetence; that frustrated “Just PLEASE stop crying” feeling that doesn’t get us any closer to a solution.
7. Turn on whatever cd or other music you listened to a lot during pregnancy. It really doesn’t seem to matter what that it is. For me and Daniel, our number one pick is Audra McDonald’s “Way Back to Paradise,” with a tie for second place between Lyle Lovett’s “Joshua Judges Ruth” and Gordon Lightfoot’s “A Painter Passing Through”
8. There will be more revelations to fill in #8… and 9, 10, etc… So, till then… Don’t stop trying. Eventually the crying will stop, and as Hillary says, the clouds will part, celestial choirs will sing, and we’ll all know and do what’s right. The baby will love again! Or, he'll fall asleep.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
I love bathtime!
Since the doctor's appointment the other day, I'm cleared to take regular baths (as opposed to showers, which I abhor), and my new favorite thing to do with you is bathtime. We have a baby bathtub. It's sort of fancy, with its own little drain and it folds up for convenient storage (which is a nice idea but doesn't work, so it is hanging up on the wall), and it's baby sized; but even a baby sized bathtub is a pretty big bathtub for a newborn, and we've only used it once. When we did use it, you absolutely HATED it, and I don't blame you! I hated it too. Your dad and I were all hunched over, trying to keep you upright with only our hands. It was kind of scary for us! But that's all over now. Last night, I took you into the bathtub with me and had you up to your chest in warm water. You loved it and made all kinds of cherubic faces and sounds; and me, well, I fell even deeper in love. I even did the unthinkable. I had your dad take your picture. Yes, yes, I'm generally opposed to full-frontal naked baby photos. I know that they haunt children as grown ups. I'm particularly reminded by the fully naked photo of your dad that your grandfather (GB) brought to our rehearsal dinner the night before our wedding (God only knows why) and showing around to every person there. I tell myself I'm not that bad because we gave you a little fig leaf protection with a washcloth. Why did I insist on that photo? I've clearly been bitten by whatever delusion it is that prompts other parents to photograph their naked children. Well, whatever. It was really, really sweet. I don't care what I thought before I was a mom.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Feeling a little blue today
I've been a little down the last couple of days, and I'm not really sure why. I strongly suspect it's hormonal; but also, Rhett, Daniel and I went to my OB who said in addition to the fact that I look great, that she thinks I won't need a c-section next time because I won't have as big a baby because I won't gain as much weight. My doctor clearly didn't mean for me to feel down on myself when she made this statement; Rhett didn't hear the statement in the way that I did (and he's usually pretty sensitive to when other people have said things that might hurt my feelings). The doctor simply said it's just hard to know what to eat during a first pregnancy, and assumes that I won't gain as much next time. I don't know, but she could be right!
But regardless of whether it's true or not, this hits on my biggest button - that maybe I haven't been a good steward of Daniel's life in some important ways. I worked pretty hard not to let myself feel bad about the c-section and specifically, not to blame myself. Calling upon my rational mind, I realize that this is just stupid. I'm the one who didn't want the c-section. He doesn't know that he was deprived of a vaginal delivery, and even if he does, I'm hearing more and more arguments (from credible medical people) that even though there are a lot of unnecessary c-sections performed, there are also a lot of babies born vaginally who probably shouldn't be. As one example, we took Daniel to have an MRI the other day (he's fine - he was just participating in an advanced brain imaging study), and the woman running the study said that they had been very surprised to find that the MRI's of 26% of the vaginally born babies in the study so far have had a subdural hemotoma on the back of the brain. Yikes! Actually, she said it's no big deal; it heals. But this points to that I'm being irrational to grieve that vaginal delivery. It has been an effort for me not to feel like I somehow failed at being a good mom because I had to have a c-section. I wonder if my body (and perhaps the lives of many women who've had c-sections?) is grieving the loss of the pregnancy because I didn't have the biological ritual of closure that my body naturally expected.
I recognize that this is likely just hormones - some incarnation of "baby blues." I thought that "baby blues" were only a factor in the immediate days after childbirth. That's what it said on the website I looked at. (Of course, if it's on the internet it must be true!) I don't meet the criteria for PPD, clearly, but these last two days I have felt a bit unlike my usual smiley self. Maybe it's partly the flu shot I got this afternoon (Rhett and I both felt kind of cruddy after it); maybe it's more of the breastfeeding thing; the weight gain and c-section are clearly part of it; and of course it has a lot to do with the absence of structure that defines our lives these days (I'm well enough recovered now that I actually wake up whenever Daniel does). Whatever these are, I really hope they go away soon.
But regardless of whether it's true or not, this hits on my biggest button - that maybe I haven't been a good steward of Daniel's life in some important ways. I worked pretty hard not to let myself feel bad about the c-section and specifically, not to blame myself. Calling upon my rational mind, I realize that this is just stupid. I'm the one who didn't want the c-section. He doesn't know that he was deprived of a vaginal delivery, and even if he does, I'm hearing more and more arguments (from credible medical people) that even though there are a lot of unnecessary c-sections performed, there are also a lot of babies born vaginally who probably shouldn't be. As one example, we took Daniel to have an MRI the other day (he's fine - he was just participating in an advanced brain imaging study), and the woman running the study said that they had been very surprised to find that the MRI's of 26% of the vaginally born babies in the study so far have had a subdural hemotoma on the back of the brain. Yikes! Actually, she said it's no big deal; it heals. But this points to that I'm being irrational to grieve that vaginal delivery. It has been an effort for me not to feel like I somehow failed at being a good mom because I had to have a c-section. I wonder if my body (and perhaps the lives of many women who've had c-sections?) is grieving the loss of the pregnancy because I didn't have the biological ritual of closure that my body naturally expected.
I recognize that this is likely just hormones - some incarnation of "baby blues." I thought that "baby blues" were only a factor in the immediate days after childbirth. That's what it said on the website I looked at. (Of course, if it's on the internet it must be true!) I don't meet the criteria for PPD, clearly, but these last two days I have felt a bit unlike my usual smiley self. Maybe it's partly the flu shot I got this afternoon (Rhett and I both felt kind of cruddy after it); maybe it's more of the breastfeeding thing; the weight gain and c-section are clearly part of it; and of course it has a lot to do with the absence of structure that defines our lives these days (I'm well enough recovered now that I actually wake up whenever Daniel does). Whatever these are, I really hope they go away soon.
Monday, February 25, 2008
God help me learn to tolerate vegetables!
Well it looks like your papa and I are both ready to tackle our bodies. We went to my doctor today and my incision looks great, uterus is back down, and I've lost 31lbs. I'm currently 144.5, and at 6 weeks pregnant I weighed 127. I think that's a good goal to shoot for - healthier than 113. So, that means I've got 17 pounds to lose before I'm back to where I want to be, or at least, where I think I want to be.
Your dad is running a 5K on March 15, so that's his plan of action. For my plan, it will have to be a little less aggressive. I asked the doctor what kind of exercise is okay for me post c-section, and she said that I can walk, but no elliptical, resistance training, running, etc. Not that I am tempted to run. I do NOT run. I'm thinking that I'll modify my diet a little bit. Specifically, I'll be trying to cut down my sprite habit and drink more water. I need to make more alterations than that - like, eating regular, balanced meals rather than grazing a lot, but I've never been any good at that, so it may take a little time. I'm pretty motivated in that direction, though, because I think it's important for me and your dad to model good eating habits for you. God help me learn to tolerate vegetables! In the mean time, I'll also take advantage of the increasing numbers of beautiful days and go walking in the afternoons.
Your dad is running a 5K on March 15, so that's his plan of action. For my plan, it will have to be a little less aggressive. I asked the doctor what kind of exercise is okay for me post c-section, and she said that I can walk, but no elliptical, resistance training, running, etc. Not that I am tempted to run. I do NOT run. I'm thinking that I'll modify my diet a little bit. Specifically, I'll be trying to cut down my sprite habit and drink more water. I need to make more alterations than that - like, eating regular, balanced meals rather than grazing a lot, but I've never been any good at that, so it may take a little time. I'm pretty motivated in that direction, though, because I think it's important for me and your dad to model good eating habits for you. God help me learn to tolerate vegetables! In the mean time, I'll also take advantage of the increasing numbers of beautiful days and go walking in the afternoons.
Last night's sleep schedule
1:45am - to bed.
3:00 - 3:15am - changed diaper
6:00 - 6:45am - fed and changed
8:15am - up for the day.
3:00 - 3:15am - changed diaper
6:00 - 6:45am - fed and changed
8:15am - up for the day.
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