Repost - Tiny, Huge, Wonderful Act of Faith

Dear Little One,
At dinner a couple of months ago, a friend said that it is ultimately an act of faith to bring a child into the world. Regardless of one's financial circumstances, physical health, age, emotional/spiritual maturity, educational status, family support level, or whatever-else have you. She's absolutely right. I occasionally have fears about this - I wonder if we've done a good and responsible thing. I wonder about whether we have enough money; a nice enough house; an old enough relationship; enough knowledge about - how to do it - to be adults, to be parents; and enough healing from our childhood hurts and patterns. The answer to all of these questions is an unqualified "no." We don't have enough money or any house at all, our relationship is young, and we are still figuring out how to be adults and are only beginning to learn how to be parents. No one is ever totally cured of childhood hurts and patterns - vulnerabilities persist. But you are going to be here in approximately 121 days, and I couldn't be happier.

I have faith that with God's grace, your dad and I will be enough. We will shower you with the totally boundless love that we feel for you. And I have faith in our families - that they will fill in gaps where sometimes your dad and I fail. I have faith in our church - that the other wonderful babies will be your friends and that their parents will be our teachers. I have faith in God - that she will guide our paths. And even though we haven't actually seen you, I have faith in you. You are not concerned with the paint on the walls or the fact that the couch still has a faint odor of cat pee. You do not fear failure, as I do, nor do you have unrealistic standards for your parents to live up to. You trust this lady's body to keep you warm for the next 4 months and lo-and-behold, with your trust it is working.

I marvel at you as you grow. I am amazed at how your body is growing inside of mine and despite my usually random wanderings though the world, my lack of perfect nutrition, loads of exercise, or ability to swallow all those omega-3 fatty acids I feel like I should be taking, by every indicator that we have so far, you are perfect.

10.2.2007