Exam stress!!!

Dear Jonah (we think that's your name, now, so I'm trying it out),
I'm 32 weeks into this pregnancy and have really been trying to treat you well during your time inside my body. I've gotta say, I never really appreciated how committed pregnant women are to becoming mothers. I get that now. It's a huge responsibility to have another (very vulnerable) human life inside my body, depending on me to do/eat/think the safest/optimal things 100% of the time, and I hope I've done an okay job so far.

I knew before your dad and I were pregnant that I had to get off of some medications that I normally take for my usual ADHD laced with anxiety, and that was perfectly okay with me. I worked it out with the school to let me record classes, I've worked with an LD coach, I took fewer classes, and on the whole, I'd say it's worked brilliantly. But in the last week, I've hit a giant road block around finals. It happens every year that I have a good bit of exam-time anxiety, but this semester (sans meds, and with hormones a little less steady than before), I've been a bit of a wreck since classes broke for Thanksgiving. It's irrational. I have plenty to do before each exam (one next Tuesday and one a week from Friday) and I really don't have leisure time, but assuming I can devote myself to studies just the same as everyone else getting ready for exams, I am in good shape to do well on exams. Moreover, I don't even care about grades. I just want to pass the stupid classes and get them over with.

I've read several times about the importance of minimizing stress during pregnancy b/c cortisol evidently crosses the placenta and mom's who are stressed out during pregnancy - which I have not been, other than since Thanksgiving - produce babies who have problems with anxiety and stress management into their teens and beyond. It's an added piece of pressure that I feel guilty about poor little you - trapped inside my body and having to feel all this anxiety.

I talked with my professor about that last night, and she was able to ease my worries a little bit. Apparently she was really stressed out and totally miserable for her last pregnancy, and her son is one of the most charming, laid back, utterly stressless human beings I've ever met. If you have his level of anxiety, I'll consider myself truly blessed.

Still, by yesterday - in the wee hours of the morning - I was getting pretty desperate, and I e-mailed my doctor for some guidance. I asked him if there was anything I could do. I said "I'm open to herbal stuff, real meds, magic spells, or whatever - as long as it's okay for both me and baby." He offered me one medication that I've never heard of, but it's a risk/benefit analysis, since there's still some risk of fetal withdrawal. My OB chimed in that she didn't think that there was much risk if I take just a few doses to get through exams, but I keep thinking that there's just a short time left until exams are over, and after that there could be consequences for you. I don't want you to suffer from my anxiety - or from my calm - it's hard to be a mommy right now.