Rated PG-13 for Occasional Language and Minimally Gory Content: For the details of our birth story, please see below.

The tired, happy, punkie family

Our Story

Daniel was due on 1/31, and when he still hadn’t come a week after that, physicians encouraged us to get an induction. They named all the typical reasons for that. The fact that Em's blood pressure had gotten quite high again was among them. Em was also a little nervous that this baby was still growing, and all previous exams had indicated that he would at least be on the high-side of average size. So, we tried (almost) every fathomable natural method of induction, none of which worked, and Em was induced with Pitocin at 11am on Thursday, the 7th. Contractions began shortly thereafter. They were gentle enough in the beginning; Em; PunkiePapa (hereafter, Rhett); Em’s mom, L; and Em’s sister, K talked, played Rummy, and watched CNN. Em was dilated to about 6cm at that point, until her water broke spontaneously at about 5:30pm. As contractions intensified cards and conversations stopped and we hoped for progress.


For Em, those next several hours are a blur. The doctors and nurse kept saying that the contractions were in a good pattern and that they weren’t progressing quite as fast as they would ordinarily expect but that was okay as long as Em and baby still seemed healthy. They mentioned that infection might become an issue if the baby weren’t born quickly enough because the water had broken. They weren’t too worried about that, so neither were we; but they encouraged us to try to change positions a lot to help the baby arrange himself into a more comfortable and rapid path down the birth canal. As we did that, Em concluded that it was imperative to get an epidural. The type of epidural they gave was a “light” epidural, which means that it helped take the edge off of contractions, but it only lessened the pain, it did not take it entirely away. That’s because time was becoming an issue, and it was important not to slow or de-intensify the contractions.


The great added blessing for her during those enormously stressful hours was the presence and wisdom of our primary doula, Andee. Andee was a calming presence for all of us, and provided great physical relief by teaching Rhett and Em’s mom, Linda to massage key areas to help Em deal with pain. Em recalls Andee as having inspired Em to have continued faith in herself to cope with both the expected and unexpected difficulties of labor, and will be eternally grateful.

Em developed a fever during the night and the baby’s heart rate got quite high. To their credit, the doctors didn’t overreact. They started antibiotics and fever medication preemptively in an effort to continue our attempt at having a vaginal delivery. We reached 9cm in the wee hours of Friday morning and at 1Em were still there. By this time, our primary doula, Andee had called in a very lovely and experienced back-up doula, Gail, who became an additional source of great support for us. We estimate that Em had labored at 9cm for about six hours at the point that the attending physician said that the baby was in danger and needed to be delivered imminently. We consulted with the head midwife before making a decision. Somehow, Em just couldn’t hear the C-Section recommendation from a surgeon with the same faith she could hear it from a midwife. That was probably slightly irrational, but we were making the best decisions we could with too little information in too little time. The doctors and midwives had all recommended a C-Section at around 12pm. By 12:30, we had made the decision to proceed surgically.

Em gave the doctor’s explicit instructions not to give her their usual play-by-play (I’m going to use a blank, I’m about to cut, you’re going to feel a little blah, blah, blah), and they asked her what she would like for them to talk about. She suggested that they tell her about themselves, so one of them said “I’m from Cincinnati; and I’m a huge fan of the Cincinnati Bengals.” Em responded “Is that a sport?” and they moved on to TV programs. Law and Order met with an ignorant audience too, so they then began to discuss Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. Apparently there is great enthusiasm among C-Section performers for Jeopardy but the same folks are disconcerted by the fact that Pat Sajac has not aged since 1985. Who knew? From that discussion came the words “What a big head;” then the anesthesiologist who stood on our side of the curtain looked over it and his eyes grew big as he said (clearly to himself) “HOLY Shit!” Can anyone among you imagine that those are not the most pastoral words he could have chosen at that moment?

Em said “Holy shit? What do you mean? What's going on?” and after a momentary delay he responded “You gave birth to a toddler.”

After the delivery, the doctors attended to little Daniel, taking his foot and hand prints, listening for his heartbeat, taking his blood pressure, etc. Rhett was with Daniel at this first doctor’s appointment, giving Em the play by play about how Daniel looked, what the doctor was doing, and measuring Daniel’s weight and height (10lbs and, 21.75 inches long).  Daniel did not initially let out a big scream. The doctors said that Daniel had expected to enter the world in a different manner than he did, and thus he was a bit disoriented. Rhett commented that Daniel’s expression communicated, “what the hell just happened to me?” Soon though, Daniel screamed out a ringing announcement, telling the world know that he had arrived. It was a joyful arrival indeed!

Rhett and Baby Daniel visited with Em briefly as the doctors finished her surgery, and briefly during recovery. Rhett and Gail (doula) attended to Em during recovery, massaging her legs to assist the return of feeling to her lower body. New Grandma Linda and Aunt Katie followed Baby Daniel to the nursery to watch his first bath and see him dressed in his first outfit.

About an hour later, Em was transferred to 5 Women’s for bonding with Baby Daniel. Since then, Rhett and Em have been up to their ears in diapers, nursing instruction, and swaddling blankets. With the great support of primary doula, Andee; back-up doula, Gail; the nursing staff; Grandma, L; the Brown grandparents; a blessing from priest, Lisa; and calls, emails and visits from family and friends, Rhett and Em are slowly getting to know Baby Daniel’s needs and learning to respond with love and nurture.


What Makes Daniel Unique?So, we may be a little biased, but we think our son is great. In fact, he is the cutest little baby we have ever seen (all of your babies excepted of course). He came into the world doing Tae-Chi movements with his head, mouth, hands and legs, rolling around in gentle fluid movements as if he were under water.  He has chubby pink cheeks, a precious little nose, and wavy brown hair all over his perfect little giant head. He has HUGE hands and feet, broad shoulders, and a little buddha belly. Rhett’s father joked that he came out of womb wearing a South Carolina football jersey. Rhett is not very enthusiastic about the idea of his son enduring Rhett’s experience of the years of pain and suffering that come with watching much less playing for the hapless South Carolina Gamecocks.


Concluding Thoughts
Tonight, Rhett, Em and Baby Daniel (who was sleeping) watched returns from the Democratic primaries in Louisiana, Nebraska and Washington. Grandma Linda noted that this would be the first of many nights in which Daniel watches election results with his parents. Though we plan not to dictate his interests, we are excited that our son is born at a time in our nation’s history where the Democratic nominee for president will be a woman or an African-American person. There are a lot of things about this county and this world that worry these two new parents. What will the environment look like when he is our age? Will he always be able to see a doctor when he needs one? Will he always have the kinds of love and support from extra familial resources as we have in so many of you? But as we look at the support network into which he has been born, the last few weeks’ primary results and his perfect little body in this room with us now, we truly, truly get the belief in a place called hope that one former president worked for, and that either of the two Democratic contenders will surely work for too.
Rhett cannot say enough about Em’s inner toughness and resilience. Her experience of labor was intense, extremely painful, and at times disappointing. Yet she was amazingly tough. She always thought first and foremost of her son’s best interest even in the midst of a 24 hour labor, culminating with major surgery. She is Rhett’s definition of toughness and Rhett’s experience of witnessing her labor of love on his behalf and on behalf of their new family is by far the most meaningful experience of his life. Rhett is proud to be Em’s partner in life, love, and parenting.

Is this the birth story that we hoped for? Clearly not. But our son is healthy; Em’s body is healing; and Rhett has been a beacon of hope, an endless source of strength, and the energizer bunny of baby care. We have amazing nursing staff around us, and a little longer than most new parents to enjoy them. We have everything we need, and a great deal more. Thank-you for being a part of what we need, and of the great deal more. We love you all, and we are blessed that you are the village that will help us raise this child.