It's funny how feeling competent seemed to play into my morning with Daniel today. In the last couple of days Daniel has been awake and alert more, which is GREAT, but he's also fussier than he's been to date. Thank goodness, I get a weekly e-mail called "ages and stages" from Parenting magazine that tells me what to expect when he's a week old, two weeks old, three weeks old, etc. This week's e-mail warned us that this would be a fussier week than we've had thus far. Knowing that this is normal is hugely comforting because if it's normal, it means we're doing a fine job of parenting thus far. At least, that's how I'm choosing to look at it. That's important because I'm learning that this kid and I are still connected in a funny, important way. That is: if I can convince myself that I'm equipped and capable for the task of caring for this precious little being, not only do I feel better, but he does! He knows! So I'm trying something new.
Ever since I was in middle school, I've felt strong and confident and happy and exhilerated when I sing along with cd's of people singing songs I know and like, and who sing way better than I do. This morning, as with most mornings lately, Daniel has seemed really unhappy. It's none of the usual culprits and it can be pretty disheartening to try and try everything that's ever helped and find it not working. So today I held Daniel close in a soft, warm blanket, turned on some Audra McDonald and danced around (badly) and sang along (badly). I should add, merely playing that cd worked yesterday, but today not at all. While singing, I felt good despite the fussiness; and lo-and-behold, slowly but very surely so did he. It's an awful feeling to know that something is hurting Daniel, but the consolation is that it's a wonderful feeling to be holding him and to feel like I've been a part of healing whatever was tormenting him.
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