So, it's Autism Awareness Month, and I'm all for awareness. While people are being extra aware this month, I'd like to ask that people be aware not just of the difficulties and problematic aspects of autism, but also of the fact that autistic people are people. Unique, wonderful, precious people. As worthy of honoring for all that they are as any other person. Moreover, I think it's important to make clear that eliminating autism isn't everyone's goal. It's not even the most widely-held goal of the people whose votes count the most (in my opinion). And what I want those of you who know and love me to know is that it's not my goal.
I'm all for providing loving, nurturing, supportive, empowering therapy to all people who struggle with anything, including Autism. Heck, our family gave up everything to do just that. I do believe in ameliorating challenges and difficulties, and always, always, always laying for all people, including Autistic people, a foundation for joy (and adult independence). When my son was given this diagnosis, it was made more than clear that we were supposed to be sad. So, we were. We were supposed to be scared. So, we were. I'm not saying there's not room for grief and anxiety. There is. Of course there is. Parents grieve stuff. Parents worry. But the constant barrage of symptom-talk and minimizing, pathologizing, and ignoring the things I love most about the coolest child I've ever met (I know, I'm biased) makes me flipping mad.
Until recently, Daniel had a highly educated, highly experienced, and incredibly pompous and negative "therapist" who seemed hell-bent on forming my child in her own image. I didn't fire her because of her intentions (those sorts of people are too common to be completely avoided). I fired her because it was working. I heard my child becoming a parrot in the living room, echoing back to her useless and bizarrely inaccurate/incomplete answers to even dumber questions. I saw his spirit caving in. I hated myself for subjecting him to it; all the while wondering if it was still "in his best interest." Answer: NO!
Before the diagnosis day when everyone in the room seemed so darned focused on getting me to see how scared I ought to be, that question would have seemed like a no brainer. But fear makes people hesitant as much as it makes us impulsive, and I wasn't sure whether that time I was at risk of being too hesitant or too impulsive. In the end, I was neither. When I told her that she wouldn’t be allowed to work with him anymore, her response was haughty, righteous, and cold. Tragic really. But without a second thought, I filled with play, joy, and laughter the hours she was trying (with a really weird version of good intentions) to use to break my kid. The results have been really good. He's doing wonderfully well in school, gaining new skills and strengths by the minute, we can go to church in age-appropriate peace, and he is so very, very, very happy! I am too. I did replace that "therapist" with someone amazing. She's a therapist according to our insurance company, which pays for her; but really, she's a highly qualified playmate, mentor, and a big-time Daniel-fan. She loves him. She's not afraid to say it. She loves him for all that he is, and only wants (as I do) to equip him well to pursue his own passions and dreams.
So as we are all being aware this month, I hope that we will focus our attention on love, kindness, and respect for people with autism. Before we talk about autism, let's talk about personhood. Let's open our minds and our hearts. Let's love. Let's respect. And let's remember that the reason other people aren't like us is because they aren't us. Let's teach our children to cope in the world that they live in, to respect others, to be responsible, to be moral, and to be kind. And with whatever energy we have left (and whether your kids are on the spectrum or not, there's not much left), let's get a hobby.
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