Dads are Evolving - SUNDAY, MAY 18, 2008 (by Rhett)

Dads are Evolving - SUNDAY, MAY 18, 2008


I am convinced...Dad's are evolving. I learned this first hand this week, as our son Daniel and I spent time together. Many readers will know that PM and I now work for Carolina Outreach, an in-home family therapy company, that allows its social workers to set their own schedule. Carolina Outreach is a great company for which to work, not only because of the meaningful work it does with families, but also because of the flexibility that its social workers have to spend time with their own families.
In our case, this flexibility means that PM and I split childcare responsibilities. When one of us is working with clients, the other is caring for Daniel (while doing paper work or running errands). I spend my time with Daniel making work related phone calls, doing paper work, or running errands for our family. Because Daniel is a serene little guy, I just strap him to my chest using our Mei Tai, and he goes wherever I go.
As you can imagine, Daniel is quite the conversation starter. When folks see him strapped to me, no matter where I am, people inevitably share stories of their children or grandchildren (or their desire to have them).
One such conversation leads me to the subject of this blog post, "Dads are Evolving." Earlier this week, I ran an errand for PM at UNC Student Health. Daniel and I drove to the student health center. Upon arriving, I helped Daniel out of his car seat, strapped him to me, and we began our errand running. As I walked toward the Student Health building, I noticed a larger 18 wheeler parked in front of the building. A man, say about 45, was sitting in the driver's seat. He looked as though he had been up all night, as evidenced by his disheveled hair and scraggly beard. It appeared that he had made several stops, and engaged in some heavy lifting, as his shirt and pants were covered with dried mud. When this "good ole boy" saw me, much to my surprise, he greeted me warmly, with a vibrant smile. He said with a laugh, "you've figured out how to do that pretty well. I need to get me one of those." I shared the vendor of our Mei Tai. He thanked me, and we parted ways.
Is this man an indication of a growing trend in America? Could it be that it is not only "yes we can" Obama liberals who want to be more hands on dads? Could it also be that the so called "working class" who voted for Hillary in droves in West Virginia, and who will do so again in Kentucky this Tuesday, also are ready to strap their kids to their chest while paying bills and running errands. Or even if they can't because of how hard that they have to work, in their heart of hearts, they wish they could. 
The story doesn't end here. Later on my errand, I stopped in the Student Health convenience store to get a snack, while waiting on my wife's prescription. The store attendants where women in their early 60's, female representatives of the so called "boomer" generation that gave us Bill and Hillary Clinton and Al and Tipper Gore. These women were quite enchanted by our little munchkin. As I payed for my OJ and power bar, they told stories of their lives. Surprisingly, they told stories of the men in their lives, many of them now grandfathers. 
These women all commented on how much their husbands have changed over the years. They lamented the early years of their marriage, when their husbands were loath to wash dishes, run the laundry, or engage in childcare. However, all of them gleefully reported that these same men, now grandparents, have taken an active role in the lives of their grandchildren, boldly braving the often dangerous terrain of poopy diapers and flying spit-up. Being grandpa also means that these men cook and occasionally clean. These women said that this change is at least in part due to the example of their sons and son-in-laws (all of whom are Xers' or Y2k's. After listening to these women's stories, I said, "men are indeed evolving." They all chimed in, "ours sure have."
So, dear friends, let me ask all of you to comment on my thesis "Men are Evolving" Am I right? Are men evolving? Are men becoming more nurturing, more hands on in the domestic sphere, more engaged in the day to day care of their children and grandchildren? 
If you are a man, are you ready to strap your kid to yourself in public, and start running errands? Or more generally, do you desire and even need a deeper relationship with your children than was afforded men of generations past?
If you're a man, and you think that my description of masculine evolution has not or should not impact you or any other man, I'd like to hear you as well. Tell me why you are who you are.
If you're a woman reading this blog, and you're partnered with a man, are you ready to give him the same responsibilities for your child's care that have been "traditionally" given to women? If you are, it strikes me that you have a great relationship, with a man that you have grown to trust deeply. However, if you're not ready to trust your man with this responsibility, tell me why, and what it would take for your man to earn this level of trust.
Finally, if you are a same sex couple with children (or one that desires children), I'd love to hear of your dreams and/or experience of parenting. How does your household divide the domestic division of labor?
I look forward to sharing this conversation with readers. It will give this evolving man a great appreciation for the ways in which our beloved readers share life and love together in marriage, partnership, and in the raising of children.
POSTED BY WORK IN PROGRESS AT 8:29 PM