The life plan template asks how I want to be remembered by various people and groups of people when I'm gone. And I'm trying to answer that. Here's my progress so far. I welcome feedback.
Rhett: I want Rhett to remember me as having adored him completely. I want him to be able to say that I never asked him to compromise anything that really meant a lot to him, and helped him to see all the things about himself that I adore. I want him to have felt supported whenever he felt vulnerable, and challenged whenever he became dissatisfied but was fearful to attempt or seek change. I want him to remember the ways I cared for him in every aspect of our relationship. I want him to remember lots and lots of shared laughter, tender moments, and times we supported each other through hardship. I want him to remember me as having been a good steward of my role as the mother of his son.
My Children: I want my children to remember that I never imposed any agenda on them for who or what they should be, other than a basic set of core morals, values, and capabilities. I want them to remember me as having consistently modeled those morals and values, even when I thought they weren’t looking. I want them to remember me as having provided them all that they needed in order to grow up and become self-sufficient adults, including plenty of room to fail. I want them to remember my presence at every event that they felt was important at the time, and at every event that they dismissed at the time but would later wish I had attended. I want them to remember that I at least tried to find ways to let them explore their interests, express their talents, and improve themselves. I want my children to remember me as having compartmentalized my own feelings about their feelings effectively, so that they had the emotional safety and freedom they needed to express their emotions freely and to know that I would love and respect them unconditionally. I want them to remember that when I made mistakes or wronged them, that I told them I was sorry and genuinely tried to grow and not to do it again. I want them to remember me as having paid attention to the culture that they were growing up in and to have made wise parenting choices based on that world, as opposed to my outdated recollections of the culture of my own youth. That doesn't mean bending to the will of the culture, necessarily; it just means that I won't pretend that my children live in a time different from their own.)
I'm taking a break from the spouse and children sections for a bit (again, I welcome feedback/ideas/insights), and am now working on how I would want my parents, colleagues, clients, and friends to remember me.
This is a useful exercise! It's really forcing me to think about the ways that my day-to-day interactions shape the whole of who I am. It's not that I'm particularly regretful about the things I say/do; it's that I think I miss a lot of opportunities to become more the person I want to be remembered as, and to create the memories I'd want to leave if I were to die tomorrow. I'll be more mindful for having done this.
POSTED BY EMILIE BROWN AT 11:48 AM
2 COMMENTS:
Mya said...
Wow! Thats a great start.
MAY 7, 2009 12:11 PM
Kerry said...
Where did you find the template? Can you post a link?
MAY 18, 2009 11:48 AM
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